I TOLD YOU SO

a five-minute play

[scripty]
PAMIE
So, what do you want to do?

ERIC
I don’t know.  We could play cards.

PAMIE
Did you want to go out?

ERIC
Not really.  Do you?

PAMIE
Well, I have a meeting early tomorrow, I really shouldn’t.

ERIC
So we won’t.

PAMIE
But I’d like to see everybody.

ERIC
So call them.

PAMIE
Do you want to?

ERIC
No.

PAMIE
Then we shouldn’t go.

ERIC
Why not?

PAMIE
Because you don’t want to.

ERIC
I didn’t say that.

PAMIE
You just said no.

ERIC
I don’t want to call them.

PAMIE
Oh.

She calls Chuy’s house.  No answer.  She calls Weldon.  No answer.  She calls Chuy’s cell phone.  No answer.  She calls Matt’s cell phone.

PAMIE
I forgot it was Matt’s sister’s fiance’s bachelor party tonight.

ERIC
Oh.

PAMIE
And the other guys are with him.

ERIC
Do they know him?

PAMIE
Does it matter?  They said you can come to the titty bar with them if you want, but since I don’t have a penis I’m not invited.

ERIC
That’s too bad.

PAMIE
Yeah.  I was fun at the last one.

ERIC
I know.

PAMIE
I don’t care.  Do you want to go?

ERIC
No.  It’s eleven.

PAMIE
Well, it’s not that late.

ERIC
I know.

PAMIE
Then why…?  Oh.  I forgot.  “Homicide.”

ERIC
You got it, baby.

They watch a few minutes of “Homicide.”  For some reason this episode pulls Pamie in.  This has never happened before.  It’s not about a particular case.  Instead this episode is about the characters themselves.  At the commercial break, Eric changes the channel.

PAMIE
Why are we watching “Forgive or Forget?”

ERIC
I’m waiting for my commercial.

Eric has done a commercial for 1stbuy.com that should be showing on the UPN channel in Texas.  We haven’t seen it yet.

PAMIE
Oh.  Are we going to play cards?

ERIC
Oh.  I guess we can.  You don’t want to watch this anyway, do you?

PAMIE
Well… I know you do.

ERIC
It’s okay.  We can play.

PAMIE
Well, have you seen this one before?

ERIC
No.

PAMIE
Well, then you can watch it.

ERIC
Are you sure?

PAMIE
Yeah.  We can play cards another night.

ERIC
Because we can–

PAMIE
You should check, it’s probably back on.

ERIC
Oh.  Yeah.  Thanks.

They continue to watch the program.  As it winds down Pamie is now sitting on the couch next to Eric.  Her feet are in his lap.

PAMIE
Is this a two-parter?

ERIC
I don’t think so.  You like this one, huh?

PAMIE
What?

ERIC
You like this episode.  You’re starting to like “Homicide.”

PAMIE
Do they always get the guy to confess?

ERIC
Not always.

PAMIE
Hmm…

ERIC
Hee.

PAMIE
What?

ERIC
You like “Homicide.”   You like “Homicide.”

PAMIE
What grade are you in?

ERIC
I told you it was a good show.

PAMIE
Yes, you did, sweetie.  You sure did.

Eric turns to camera two and gives a thumbs up.  He walks smugly to the bedroom.

PAMIE
Hey sweetie, is this your commercial?

ERIC
Huh?  Those are monkeys driving cars.

PAMIE
Right.  Are you the one on the left or the right?

ERIC
It’s like living with Richard Pryor.

PAMIE
Goodnight, Gracie.

BLACKOUT
[/scripty]

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