(I hope this works…)
Pictures of kitty (some framed, some out of frame)
Candles (some spiritual, some solemn, some kitty-like)
Two dozen white roses sent by Kevin and Charlotte and their dog Simone (Lillith’s nickname was Rosepetal)
One bottle of chilled white wine (for grieving human Pamie)
Undetermined amount of beer (for grieving human Eric and X number of grieving human guests)
One bag of catnip (for grieving kitty Taylor)
Two packs of cigarettes (when people would first see Lillith, very often they would ask if her name was Smokey. It seems to be a common name with cats that resemble her)
Three Radiohead albums (knowing that you probably won’t get through one of them without someone saying, “Can we be more depressing? Didn’t she also like the Breeders or something?”)
Bread and cheese (Lillith’s favorite snack)
One book of Squishy reader’s e-mail (100 pages– over 200 letters of love and support)
One shoebox (to put items in when the wake is over)
I can’t remember what they say the five stages of dealing with death are: anger, denial, bargaining, grief and acceptance? Is that is? I’m in the grief stage. Last night I was deep in the bargaining stage. I felt (and still feel) guilty about what happened to Lillith. If I hadn’t taken her to the vet she may have had a few more days or even longer. I don’t know what knocked her out of remission, but I think it was related to the hairball medicine Pounce that I gave her that made her throw up. Maybe I shouldn’t have gone to New Orleans. I should have stayed home with her when I knew she wasn’t feeling well.
But I’m getting past that stage, and I’m deep in the grief right now.
I think both Eric and I are nervous about tonight. Aside from this web page, we’ve been pretty quiet about our feelings on this whole thing. We’ve talked to each other, and we talked to our families, but we haven’t so much talked to friends about it. They mostly read it just like you did, on this page. I didn’t want to have to tell the story over and over again. It was easier to write it down. That way I could tell it just as it should be heard. That’s the story, you know?
I’ve got to go clean up the house. I was very happy to see the roses that were delivered to our house yesterday for a number of reasons. They’re beautiful, it was a wonderful gesture from Eric’s family, and Wednesday on Oprah they taught us how to arrange flowers.
I’m gonna go try it out.
I’m feeling a little Martha Stewart anyway, getting this whole party organized.
What wine goes with catnip?
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