talking in our sleep

I feel absolutely terrible today.  My face is all puffy, my head is stuffed up.  My voice is all rough.  My throat hurts.  I was up late last night feeling sorry for myself and not making things any better.

What is it that compels me to blame other people for my own insecurities?  I don’t know.  I really don’t.

Last night I was feeling sort of out of sorts and grumpy and mopey and when Eric kept asking what was wrong with me I eventually turned it all around to blaming him for the reason that I feel so insecure.   The stupid thing is I don’t even know what I’m so damn insecure about.

There’s just something wrong with my brain.  That has to be the reason.  Normal people can’t possibly think like I do.  It’s impossible.

[scripty]
ERIC
You okay, sweetie?

PAMIE
I guess.

ERIC
Why are you sighing?

PAMIE
I don’t know.  I guess we’re just going to go to bed.

ERIC
We don’t have to.

PAMIE
No, whatever.

ERIC
What do you want?

PAMIE
Forget it.

ERIC
No, what is it?

PAMIE
How come you don’t want to hug me and stuff?

ERIC
I hug you all the time.

PAMIE
Well… not earlier tonight.

ERIC
When I was eating?

PAMIE
I just wanted a quick hug.

ERIC
Is this what you’re so upset about?

INSIDE PAMIE’S BRAIN
No.  Of course not, I just feel all stupid and I don’t know how to talk about feeling uncomfortable.  Sometimes I just feel like a big fat fatty dork and there’s nothing I can do about it and my brain starts telling me that I’m ugly and dumb and all I really want is for you to hold me and tell me I’m pretty and stroke my hair until I fall asleep.

PAMIE
I don’t know.

ERIC
Sweetie, I don’t understand what’s wrong.

INSIDE PAMIE’S BRAIN
I don’t really either, that’s what’s so frustrating.  I felt this coming on all night.  I knew that I was going to get kind of depressed tonight because I usually do right before a show and it’s not that the show isn’t going well, because it is, but I’ve got the show coming up and then I’ve got your birthday week and I want that to go well, and we’re going away next week for your family and Father’s Day is this weekend and there’s all these things that I have to do and then the one person show and all I’m just feeling like–

PAMIE
Forget it.

ERIC
If something’s bothering you, we should talk about it.

PAMIE
I’m fine.

INSIDE PAMIE’S BRAIN
I’m not fine.  I just don’t know what’s the matter with me.  For some reason I feel terrible.  Maybe I’m getting a cold.  Sometimes I get pretty sad right before a cold.  I just want a vacation.  Not like a “we’re going here for this reason, so maybe we’ll stop by here” kind of vacation, but a real “let’s go away just the two of us” kind of thing.  I guess it’s just me getting tired.  I’m probably just tired.  And I’m a little uncomfortable.  I had too much popcorn at “Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels” and now my stomach hurts a little.  I’m just being a big baby, really.  Why haven’t you said anything?  Aren’t you going to tell me that everything’s okay?  Aren’t you going to put your arm around me or something?  I bet you’re going to just fall asleep while I sit here miserable.  I guess that’s fine.  I mean, whatever.

PAMIE
Good night, then, I guess, if there’s nothing to talk about.

ERIC
I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU.

PAMIE
DON’T YELL AT ME.

ERIC
I’M NOT YELLING AT YOU.

INSIDE PAMIE’S HEAD
You are yelling and of course you’re yelling because you just see me pout and toss back and forth.  I’m sorry.

PAMIE
I’m sorry.

ERIC
I don’t know what you’re sorry about.

PAMIE
I’m sorry I’m being miserable.

INSIDE ERIC’S HEAD
I live with an alien.

ERIC
I’m sorry you feel so lonely.  We spend all of our time together, don’t we?

INSIDE PAMIE’S HEAD
I don’t count rehearsals.

PAMIE
I guess.

ERIC
I don’t know what you want me to do.

PAMIE
Are you attracted to me?

ERIC
What kind of question is that?

INSIDE PAMIE’S HEAD
You said Audrey Hepburn was the most beautiful woman that ever lived and I look nothing like her and now for some reason that I can’t explain or control I hate Audrey Hepburn.

PAMIE
I don’t know.

ERIC
Of course I’m attracted to you.  I love you.

PAMIE
Yeah?

ERIC
Are you really asking me that question?

INSIDE PAMIE’S HEAD
No.  Of course not.  I know the answer.  Sometimes it’s just nice to hear, that’s all.

PAMIE
I don’t know.

ERIC
Maybe you need to get some sleep.

INSIDE PAMIE’S HEAD
Put your arm around me.  Put your arm around me.  Put your arm around me.  Put your arm around me.  Put your arm around me.

PAMIE
Good night.

ERIC
Come here.  Just get some sleep.  Here.  Let me put my arm around you, okay?  Are you comfy?

INSIDE PAMIE’S HEAD
Yes.

PAMIE
Yes.

ERIC
Good night.

PAMIE
Good night.

INSIDE PAMIE’S HEAD
I feel so lucky.  I can’t believe I was such a jerk to him.  Oh, he’ll forgive me once Birthday Week hits.  Three more days.

INSIDE ERIC’S HEAD
Is she asleep?  Where did she hide the birthday week gifts?

PAMIE
Are you comfortable?

ERIC
Yeah.  What am I getting for birthday week?

PAMIE
Zzzzzzzzzzz- A puppy- zzzzzzzzzz

ERIC
Ha.

PAMIE
Oh, no!  You got me to spill your surprise when I was weak and sleepy.

ERIC
Just tell me what I’m getting.

PAMIE
It’s just a couple more days.  I’ve already extended Birthday Week into a twelve day event.  What more do you want?

INSIDE ERIC’S HEAD
What am I getting for birthday week?

PAMIE
Good night, sweetie.

INSIDE ERIC’S HEAD
What am I getting for birthday week?

PAMIE
I love you.

INSIDE ERIC’S HEAD
What am I getting for birthday week?  Oh, I’d better answer that…

ERIC
I love you, too, birthday week.

PAMIE
What?

ERIC
I said “you make me weak.”

PAMIE
No, you said–

ERIC
Zzzzzzzzzz.

PAMIE
Yeah, that’s what I thought.
[/scripty]

I have to go work on the show.  I’m really tired.  Tomorrow is the official birthday of Squishy.

Well, I learned one thing about you guys– you don’t like playing trivia games that have no meaning and there’s no way that you could possibly know the answer.  Fine.  I guess I understand that.  Mike, who took the only stab, did name me, Becca and Summer correctly.  Mike knows his ladies, I guess.

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