i know that look

you hate me, don’t you?

I had a dream that I was at a really bad disco concert. I wanted to leave, but for some reason I just stayed put, watching boring song after boring song.

I woke up an hour late, my alarm clock playing the disco station. Apparently I was having that dream for a while.

I had another dream where all cats like Taylor were considered very rare and special– almost like the Ferby craze. I was trying to get Taylor home and this woman just kept crying because she had been taking care of him at her store. I felt bad for her, but I wanted my cat back. And I was mad she was only selling him for three dollars. He’s worth much more.

A guy in the class that I was taking insisted on speaking with a British accent whenever we were doing a lab. Only when we were doing a lab. I had to wonder what he was hoping to achieve with this little game. Was he expecting me to turn to him and say, “It’s so cool that you can just turn that thing on and off like that. Whenever I talk like I’m from London I know I can’t stop doing it for like, five hours or something, but I’ve even heard you do a bit of an Italian accent when we were pinging the other machines, and I just think that’s really sexy, smart and cool.”

Okay, quick confession and then I’m off for the weekend:

I’ve been smoking since Aspen.

Don’t be mad. I’m okay. I’m used to the smoke, it doesn’t even hurt. I looked at that eighteen hour car trip I had ahead of me, and I realized that I was in a small car full of smokers, and I wasn’t going to be drinking, and I wanted a vice. Besides, standing in the smoking section had me meet many more people than the non-smoking section did. The twenty-three hour drive back would have been unbearable without the cigarettes, since we were in a lightning storm and I’m terrified of lightning.

Now I’ve been so busy since I got back I haven’t even had the time to concentrate on stopping again. Last time I was sick, so it was easier. I’ve just got to get back in the mindset. I’ll do it again. Don’t be mad. I’m not even mad at myself. I made it a month, I can do it again. As soon as I get my gumption back up… it may be after the festival. Yeah, probably after the festival.

But it’s making my exercises harder, so I may get too frustrated and just go back to quitting so I can keep up with Billy Blanks(tm).

So, now I’ve got to get on to my busy not-a-weekend. There’s my confession.

You know, of everyone that I was worried about knowing that I have been smoking, it was you guys I didn’t want to tell? Three hundred people shaking their heads in unison causing monitors around the world to shudder ever-so-slightly.

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