i have a poopie car

and completely re-evaluate my life again

I’m trying to teach myself a few things this week.

This is the week of self improvement.

I am trying to learn things, accomplish things, and be more independent on my journey this week.

Yes, I’m starting small.

I’m trying to beat a video game all by myself. I’ve never done that.

I’m trying to finish two books this week (almost done).

I am going to teach myself more about web graphics (although none of you go to my splash page, anyway)

I am going to learn more about the products that I support here at work.

I am going to finish a work project that I’ve been put on.

I am going to send off the mail that I have been putting off.

I am going to pay the bills.

I am going to find myself a Halloween costume, although it isn’t until just now that I remembered that I don’t have one yet.

I am not going to let that last sentence panic me.

I am going to do a good show tomorrow and be asked to got to Aspen.

I’m not going to worry about that typo in the last sentence.

Nor will I worry about whether or not that last sentence is true.

The last sentence before the last sentence. Not quite the last sentence.

I guess three sentences ago.

Five. Five sentences ago. I’m not obsessing.

I will clean my desk of clutter and grime.

I will change out the CD’s in my carrying case, because I cannot listen to Smashing Pumpkins’ Adore one more time.

I will finish my antibiotics.

I am going to drink two bottles of water a day.

I am going to keep my living room clean.

I am going to remember to bring enough money to work that I can have lunch.

I am going to try to remember that I wanted to go out to lunch with a friend this week, so I am going to try to remember to talk to him tonight so that we can possibly meet tomorrow if his schedule and my schedule are free.

I may possibly start trying to write my next script as it is nearing time for me to have some sort of draft so that I might possibly make that upcoming deadline that I’m supposed to make.

I might cook something instead of ordering out again this week.

I shall possibly try to not smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, and rather attempt to cut down somewhat.

I might get up early enough that I’m not late for work one day this week.

I swear I will try to make my bed some morning.

I will attempt to remember most of this list but will most assuredly remember about two things on this list… something about smoking and something about doing a show.

It’s really quite hopeless to plan ahead with me. I just want to get some work done, read some stuff, and make people laugh. Hmmm.. what kind of job allows you to do that? Someone who is a professor in comedy. I guess that’s about it. Maybe a Comedy Defensive Driving instructor.

My parents seem really disappointed that I am not auditioning for the stand up portion of the Aspen auditions. I keep telling them that I don’t have a stand-up routine. You have to work on those really hard. I can’t just go up there and be like, “So, anyone been to the gynecologist lately? That’s kooky, huh? How about those stirrups? Cold, right?”

Or, maybe it’s just crazy enough to work.


Last Night’s Scrabble Tally:

Games Played: 1
Games Won: 1
but you probably assumed that…


I can see that my life is about to get less busy, what with this show being over tomorrow night. That usually leads to a period of shiftlessness with me, where I feel like I should be doing something, but I’m not sure what. That’s why I’m making this list, to remind myself that there’s plenty I should be doing when I’m not in a rehearsal. I get so caught up in that routine, that sometimes I forget that I neglect other things.

Right now I have the “Poopie Car.”

This is named so because it is really quite covered in bird poop. Near the theatre, the best parking is under these trees. And during the fall these birds called Grackles make a big ol’ mess on your car and the street and your life. I’m not kidding– fifteen minutes under those trees and your car looks like a Dalmatian puppy.

So the Poopie Car is making me sick because, you know… it’s covered in shit and it makes me unhappy, but I haven’t had the time to go clean it (I’m always making some excuse about the car) so my car grosses out everyone I come in contact with. I cannot avoid having the Poopie Car, since I have to keep going back to the theatre, so it’s just going to come back if I clean it off. It makes people not want to come see the show.

They are scary, those Grackles. They are terribly noisy, and just fill the trees with their bodies. So you are walking under the trees (because otherwise you’ll get hit by a car) and you can hear them screeching above your head like they are deciding when to attack you, and all around you, you can hear poop hitting the sidewalk. It just falls like rain. You have to hope to dodge the poop.

Usually during the fall, they shoot blanks toward the trees to scare them off. It works for a second or two…then they come back… angrier.

I just went outside and found that it is raining. Good. Maybe it will wash some of the poop off my car, because right now when I offer someone a ride they look at me like, “I’m not going in that poopmobile. That crapwagon. That–”

“I got it.”

“I’m just saying…”

Hope it keeps raining.

And there’s this new Mazda Protege (my type of car) commercial that’s really chapping my hide. See, the new Protege is much nicer than my ’93 model, and they keep rubbing it in by having all of these people drive around in it having a good time. The latest ad has some sort of “spoof” off those People Who Died/Pepper songs, where they are like, “Brian worked in tech support– click click click all day, Pamela couldn’t sing real well, she kept the beat anyway.” Or something like that. It doesn’t go like that, but you get the idea. Anyway, I was telling Eric about it, and why I was so upset that my car isn’t cool and funky anymore, and he was talking about how my car’s song would go.

“Pamie’s car cost a lot. Her seatbelts rarely worked.”

It’s funny ‘cuz it’s true.

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