shoulda, coulda, woulda.

an object at rest tends to get lucky.

Today is a very lazy day.

I have rehearsal this evening, so I’m taking this afternoon kinda easy. I accomplished my cleaning goals yesterday, so there’s not much to pick up around here…

I’m supposed to be learning lines for a sketch…

I should call my mother and father and see how they are doing…

I should call my friend in New York and check on him.

I should pay a few bills that are due this week…

I should call the bank and re-order new checks…

I should start working on my next play, as I have gotten the go-ahead from the people I want to be in it.

I should go through my closet and clean out the stuff I don’t wear anymore to make room for the stuff I will buy that I won’t wear.

I should work on my web-page and clean it up some.

I should make a mix-tape for my car.

I should get the timing belt replaced on my car.

I should go grocery shopping.

I should take off the five-month old polish on my toenails.

I should trim my cuticles.

I should brush the cats.

I should buy frames for all of my favorite pictures and hang them around the house.

I should fix the picture frame I accidentally broke the other week.

I should send my plays off to playhouses.

I should go for a walk.

I should go for a swim.

I should learn to play basketball.

I should learn how to cook.

I should read a book.

I should stop eating red meat.

I should throw out all leather products.

I should quit smoking.

I should turn off my radio.

I should write to my local congressman about the salamanders.

I should find out who I should vote for this year.

I should go clean up trash around the lake.

I should teach someone to read.

I should record tapes for the blind.

I should recycle.

I should give money to Greenpeace like I did when I was fifteen.

I should go protest something.

I should go hang out all day at the Pecan Street Festival, eating corn on a stick and listening to live music.

I should find a religion.

I should take a nap.

I should take a bath.

I should get my teeth cleaned.

I should get a latte.

I should watch a good movie.

I should go watch my boyfriend’s butt.

I should play with my cat.

I should play with my neighbor.

I should sit on the porch with some lemonade.

I should learn how to play backgammon.

I should buy a volleyball.

I should buy life insurance.

I should work on a will.

I should make chocolate chip cookies.

I should work on my telekinesis, and finally start moving things with my mind.

But I will probably sit here for a while, surf, take a shower, smoke, and go to rehearsal. Maybe I’ll take a look at that script, or start on my new play.

Maybe I’ll read a bit.

My lazy Sundays always end up being lazier than I ever intended them to be.

I need to work on that. Controlled laziness. Slovenly, but not lethargic. Rest without sloth. My feet up without my mind off.

But it’s hard. I’m always moving, so when I stop, my body really wants to stop. And with my job, I have no problems sitting still for a while… I’m used to keeping myself busy in one place for eight hours…

And I can find fun on the internet at any time.

I’ll tell you what’s been taking up so much of my time lately… magazines. I don’t even buy them, people give me their old magazines, and I have a few subscriptions, so I’m constantly reading magazines to keep everything current. And, by the way, I consider catalogues to be magazines. (there’s articles, sometimes, and copy about everything you can buy). So today, I need to read Details and the Chronicle and American Theatre and Entertainment Weekly and Pottery Barn so I’m ready for next week when the new ones come in.

Then I have to keep up with television shows… E!’s Talk Soup Weekly Wrap-up is an important part of my weekend.

Then there’s the books I’m trying to finish this week because I have other books I need to start on next week…

I can’t break even with my time.

I cannot do it.

I’m so frustrated with myself. Disappointed. Because I start reading these articles and I’ll come across someone like Lauryn Hill, from the Fugees who has a number one album, and a baby, and is respected and beautiful and the same age as me. And I’m like, “gee, what did I do today?” and I realize that I’m not doing enough… but maybe I am. What if I go and change my life, and the track that I was on was the way I needed to go? What if I change everything and it all goes to hell? Maybe I’ll just stay still and wait for everything to happen.

And I curl into a little ball on my bed and wait for the agent to burst open my bedroom door and say, “There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Your Must-See-TV sitcom starts in ten minutes. Let’s get you into makeup.. oh, but you don’t need makeup, you’re a natural beauty. Round hips, askew teeth and limp hair are all the rage this year! Thank God you haven’t changed a thing. So put on your baggy pants and get ready for the world to embrace you, baby!”

And I slip on my “Welcome Back Kotter” t-shirt and my baggy pants and step into the limo of my future. It takes me to a beautiful home where my cats have their own room, and a back wing for Eric to have parties with the Pittsburgh Steelers. We both become successful actors and I spend my mornings writing plays that are eagerly devoured by the public.

So my fear is, if I change anything in my life, that agent will have my old address, and will accidentally give fame and fortune to the wrong girl.

I need to control my destiny, take care of my future. I need to stay put and wait. I can’t be all crazy, running around trying to do something, when I know that staying still will guarantee my success! What am I, nuts?

If I lose my boyfriend to anything, I know deep in my heart of hearts it will be to my morning breath. It could chase away the most amorous of lovers. It could kill a ghost. Before I go to sleep I brush, floss, and use mouthwash. What dies in there while I’m asleep? I have no control over it. I hate that. And if I get up in the morning and try and cover it up before he wakes up he starts feeling all guilty that he has bad breath because mine’s all minty so he has to get up, and so now it’s like we just got up for the day, and all thoughts of morning festivities are sort of forgotten. Because we had to worry about our appearances, you see. My self-consciousness made him self-conscious. My bad breath is driving a wedge between us!

My mind has turned to my next play again. This is always a very exciting part of the writing process for me. I know that when I just start randomly thinking about it, and I hear dialogue in my head, or see scenes I want to write, I know it’s time to start putting it down on paper. Usually I’ll just have a random thought here or there, but when it gets like this and I want to talk to people about it, and hear people speaking these words in my head, I get very excited. My next play will be written! You have to understand that after I finish a play I’m proud of, I sort of go through this panic that I will never be able to write anything ever again. There’s no way I could come up with another story… but inspiration has struck again, and I’m stoked.

Plus I’ve already thought of what I want to write in here tomorrow, and some things I want to do to the page…

I’m fucking brilliant!

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