ow.

[scripty]
PAMIE
Hellooooo?

JESSICA
Hi. Are you okay?

PAMIE
Yeah. Hi. Are you okay?

JESSICA
Well, no, but… You sound funny. Are you crying?

PAMIE
I’m… Okay, I’m eating this curry. And it’s seriously the hottest thing I’ve ever eaten in my life. After every five minutes I have to stop eating it because my face hurts and my lips start to swell and I’m drooling.

JESSICA
Heeeeeee. You know, you sound really upset. I was worried.

PAMIE
Because I’m crying. But this curry is so good! I’m not kidding; I put the bowl down and wait until I can feel my face again, and my skin is getting kinda blotchy, but after five minutes I crave it and I’ve forgotten all about the pain. Then I dig in, shovel four bites into my mouth and then: “Flames! Flames, on the side of my face…heaving!”

JESSICA
Ha!

PAMIE
So, I had just waited the five minutes for my next bite, but then I saw you were calling, and I thought it would be a real asshole thing not to answer the phone just because my curry was too hot, and I thought I’d be able to handle it, so I shoveled a bite and then answered the phone, so now my tongue is on fire and I’m drooling.

JESSICA
Yes, I hear both the drooling and the crying.

PAMIE
Jessica, I’ve been eating this curry for the past hour!

JESSICA
Oh, my God! That is hilarious!

PAMIE
And these are leftovers.

JESSICA
What?! Ha! Haaaaaaaaaaaaa.

PAMIE
I did this exact same thing to myself last night.

JESSICA
That’s ridiculous! Oh, I can’t breathe. That is exactly what I needed to hear. Because I have been in such a bad mood, but that is…you…well, you sound crazy.

PAMIE
My mouth hurts so much. Your turn. What’s wrong? What happened?

JESSICA
Well, I had this bag of chocolate chips I had been saving for myself, to either put in some cookies I’d make, or just eat them all by myself because I’m too lazy to make cookies, and I went to go eat them tonight, but someone had thrown them away, and I was irrationally angry about it and I just stormed out of the house. But like, they were my chips and– what is that sound? What are you doing?

PAMIE
[caught]
Hmm? Are you talking to me?

JESSICA
Yes! What are you doing?

PAMIE
… I… I was grabbing some chocolate chips out of the pantry.

JESSICA
OH MY GOD!

PAMIE
You made them sound really good! And I thought it might cut some of the burn.

JESSICA
You are…

PAMIE
Pathetic. I know.

JESSICA
You’re pathetic? I’m the one who’s mad about chocolate chips.

PAMIE
So mad you ran away from home.

JESSICA
No, I…. yes. I guess I did. I ran away from home.

PAMIE
I understand.

JESSICA
Did the chips help?

PAMIE
Kinda. Maybe because they had peanut butter in them.

JESSICA
Are you six?

PAMIE
Shut up. Ow. OWWWWWW!

JESSICA
Did you just have another bite?

PAMIE
I can’t stop eating this curry of pain!
[/scripty]

[db]

You know what else is hot? 1158 books and $11880. Check out Dewey’s page for the latest giveaways, or just to get a warm, fuzzy feeling from pictures of kids holding books.

[Note: warm, fuzzy feeling 100% less warm and fuzzy than Southern Style Curry from Jitlada, but still might make you cry.]

116.

dammit. i had written half of this entry when my browser crashed. i lost everything i had written, which is mostly about how fucking hot it is up in this motherfucker. the dvd player broke today. my computer keeps crashing. the bank outside the coffee shop says it’s 116. it’s hot, people. hot. so hot my cheeks are sweating. all of them. my eyelids are sweating. I’M IN MY HOUSE. the cats look like someone steam-rolled them. they don’t want to eat. ants have come into the house in search of any water, at all, and are happy enough to hang out in all the sinks and near the cat food or near the litter box and why is my life so gross? Continue reading

staying cool below the mason-dixon line.

A memory flashed into my head this morning as I grabbed a bottle of seltzer for the road.

[We now have bottles of seltzer in our refrigerator because stee went through a non-alcoholic phase a couple of months ago, and what has lingered is his love for bizarre bottles of juices and flavored waters. Consequently, I drove to the train station with a bottle of lime seltzer. Like I live in the past.]

Anyway, as I grabbed the bottle opener to pop the top, a memory flooded back. I was living in Jackson, and had spent the night at a friend’s house. I was probably in the sixth grade. When my friend’s older sister found out she had to drive me home on a Saturday morning, she got pissed in a way only sixteen-year-olds can be. She told me to get my shit and get in the car. Continue reading