in celebration of hot nerdy boys.

[scripty]
PAMIE
How was the rest of your weekend?

DANA
Good. I just… I’m so frustrated, because I’m having to do all these graphs for this class, and I don’t understand some of this computer shit. I mean, I’m very smart. Obviously. But then like, I don’t have to know Excel for any part of my life, so I don’t know it, and now I’m supposed to make a graph?

PAMIE
Well, I know some people who could probably help you learn to graph that.

DANA
You mean you don’t?

PAMIE
… I could figure it out.

DANA
Well, I was talking to my friend on the phone yesterday and I told him I was just so angry because everything I didn’t know about computers was looking at me in the face and I didn’t know what to do. And then he goes, “Okay, well, tell me this, and tell me this and go to this place here and read me that,” and then Pamie, oh my god.

PAMIE
He was in your computer.

DANA
He was IN MY COMPUTER. He was controlling my mouse! I was just watching him and he was… he was inside me.

PAMIE
It’s really hot.

DANA
Pamie, it’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. I’m not even kidding. Don’t make fun of me.

PAMIE
No, it’s always hot. It’s even a little thrilling when the Geek Squad people do it. I’ve done it before, and it’s fun to do to other people, too.

DANA
He cleaned up my desktop and moved things around and then I got nervous.

PAMIE
Well, it’s scary the first time.

DANA
I didn’t know what he’d find.

PAMIE
You’re very vulnerable, letting someone inside like that. Past your firewall.

DANA
You are making fun of me.

PAMIE
Only a little. But it is hot. Smart boys who fix things. And boys who make graphs. I’m just surprised you liked it so much. If I’d told you this, you’d make fun of me.

DANA
No, Pamie, I’m a nerd, too. Don’t you know that?

PAMIE
Uh-huh.

DANA
I love nerds. Haven’t you seen my friends? You’re all nerds.

PAMIE
Yeah, you’re right. Maybe you are supposed to be hanging out with your hot, pretty friends. Those other girls.

DANA
No, those hot, pretty girls are nerds, too.

PAMIE
DON’T SAY THAT. That’s not fair. You don’t get to be both.

DANA
I still say that you are a hot, pretty nerd, too.

PAMIE
Unh.

DANA
I want to do it again. Get him inside my computer. I cleaned up a little in case he does.

PAMIE
What, did you wax your hard drive?

DANA
Kinda.

PAMIE
I love how that boy got your inbox all hot.

DANA
I am sad that you haven’t updated your website in a long time.

PAMIE
Can I write about this?

DANA
Sigh. I suppose that’s what I get.
[/scripty]

Why I haven’t been updating my blog often enough: good excuses.

There’s no order of importance here, but in the last week or so I’ve had a package lost at the post office, a letter returned because it didn’t reach the recipient in time, my computer stolen, and my tailbone broken.

I’m not sad or pissed off, but I am getting impatient with living my days balanced on one hip and my nights splayed across ice packs. And I’m really tired of calling the post office. Other than that, it’s work-book-work.

Mostly I’m nervous, because in a couple of days I’m teaching a class where I’m not as worried about being funny as I am being fun. Ages 8-12?! Yikes. I am a very old lady to them.

Speaking of, last weekend I got carded buying a bottle of wine, and the mohawked dude behind the counter looks at my ID and goes, “Whoa. WHOA.” Then he looks at the people in line behind me and goes, “I thought she was WAY younger than that. I mean, that’s a like, a baby face compared to how old you–”

“ALL RIGHT,” I shouted. “It was flattering at first, but that’s enough. I’m not THAT old.”

And then he did that head bob that means, “Kinda you are.”

That story has nothing to do with why I haven’t been updating my blog other than I proceeded to drink that bottle of wine, talking about how I’m not old, and then I was in no condition to write anything to anyone.

…I will probably not tell that story to the eight-year olds.

hmm.

I have been trying to talk myself into buying a new computer, because this one is getting slow, and all of the keys have worn off with the thousands of words I type every day, and basically this machine has been attached to my hip since May of 2004, but having seen what happens when I get anywhere near a MacBook, as stee has just purchasedContinue reading

jealous…

…of this fancy MacBook Pro. I have no need for a camera inside my computer. This is what my entries would end up looking like. Nothing but me goofing in front of photoshop.

My computer’s been slowing down lately, and all of the keys are wiped from the board, I’ve had it for two years now, and I didn’t realize just how slow it is until I started playing on this thing.

Dear Microsoft Word,

Please stop crashing. Why do you hate these five pages I keep trying to write? I’m so close to finishing this draft of the manuscript and I really need to send it to my editor and I’d really like for you to stop having to “unexpectedly shut down.” Because it makes me cry, Microsoft Word.

“It looks like you’re trying to write a letter!”

No. It looks like I’m fixing to have a breakdown. Please stop crashing. Continue reading

This looks the same to you…

But it’s very different for me. You see, I’m writing this post on my fancy new computer that I bought because I get to write another fancy book for Downtown Press. I haven’t bought a computer since I was a junior in college. My ancient iMac kept crashing (and doesn’t travel well), and my dad’s old laptop has a thirty-minute battery life due to a bug in that version of the computer. So: enter my new, shiny iBook. I love it already. Continue reading