In case you were coming here looking for a collection of my Valentines Day Poems: The best place to go is here.

As you read this, Glark is hard at work, tirelessly attempting to wrangle the beast that is pamie.com into something that can reload with dignity. After looking through thirteen years of file dumping, he has declared me the Hoarder of the Internet. He has a small point. Anyway, I’m very excited about unleashing a pretty, sparkly version of this site in the near future.

This means there should be more updates! Hooray! Huzzah! I have a list of things I want to write about on pamie.com, and I’m currently chained to my laptop as it is, working on the new novel due in a few short months, so I have a feeling I’ll be occasionally popping over here for procrastination/inspiration.

I finished that screenplay, for those of you who have been losing sleep wondering. Soon it’ll be “going out,” which means my agents will have talked with producers who are interested in reading it and the script will get distributed in the hopes that some of those producers will take the script to their studios and a studio will want to buy the script in the idea that someone’s going to make a movie out of it.

This is the part of writing for Hollywood we don’t really talk about all that often, I guess because it isn’t sexy. But in the past few months I’ve written several different proposals for various projects, all of which are “out there,” all of which are out of my hands while I wait to see what people who have money decide what they want to do about them. There’s also a pilot script that I wrote for a half-hour comedy that was written for a studio who requested it, although they’ve yet to find a network who wants to buy it. You do lots of these projects — sometimes they’re gigs, sometimes they’re for no money at all — waiting to see if anything works its way all the way up from the “Perhaps” to the “Yes.”

The good news is I’m chained to the laptop right now because of two very exciting Yes projects. Number one is the new novel, YOU TAKE IT FROM HERE:

“When I die, I need you to be with my husband, become his wife, help him finish raising my daughter. I want you to take my place.”When your best friend assumes you will willingly give up your life and start another, just because she’s “technically” “dying” – how much does your love of someone mean you are entitled to carry out her final wish? YOU TAKE IT FROM HERE is a story about pushing a friendship to its limits, exploring what we do for each other when our lives (one ending, one just beginning to start over) are on the line. Who’s really in charge of our future? (Answer: the bossy one.) (GALLERY BOOKS, PUB DATE TBA)

My second “Yes” only recently got the greenlight, but it’s equally exciting. ABC FAMILY has bought the rights to WHY MOMS ARE WEIRD! Yes, we’re going to try to make my life as a sitcom. My mom’s not very happy about this one, but my sister is! “LET ME NO WHN U NEED ME 4 CASTING,” she texted.

We’ve only just started, but it’s already created one of my favorite “Only-in-Hollywood” moments. During our last meeting I was telling stories about being home for Christmas this past year, and how I was trapped in my mom’s house during the blizzard (which she caused, by the way, by wishing for it inside my Christmas card. “Merry Christmas! I hope you get snowed in and can’t leave!”). Thanks, Mom.

Anyway, after a few of these stories, one of the producers stops laughing long enough to say to me, “I have to say, as much as we love the sister in the book, I really love your current sister more!”

(My “current sister” agrees.)

I’ve been getting some really nice email from you guys lately about pamie.com, or my books, or just reminiscing about old school TWOP days. (If I haven’t written you back yet, I’m sorry. I’m going through my backlog, I promise). I always appreciate hearing from you guys because there are some days when you’re sending stuff “out there” that most people will never get a chance to read or see when it can get a little frustrating. In case you’re one of the three people who have never written a book, I’ll just let you know right now that doing so is kind of a slog. You write and write and write and then: yeah, there’s still so much writing to do. And unlike a script, making one change can sometimes mean you’re making a hundred changes, all over the place, in little places and big, and it feels like you’re playing a life-sized game of Jenga.

So I will try to use this place to tell you as much as I can/should/probably shouldn’t about the behind-the-scenes stuff going on over here, finally write up a few stories from last year (like Mom on a certain train), and I have a couple of pressing Tales from the Accidental Asshole (that’s me) to share.

Okay, I gotta go back to work. Happy Valentine’s Day, pamie.com. Here is my heart. I try to write it all out for you.