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TO: Ken Mok
FROM: The CW Network
RE: ANTM 1103
Dear Ken et al:
Please find attached our notes for the current cut of Episode 1103. Thanks so much and we look forward to seeing the next cut.
Best,
THE NETWORK
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GENERAL:
Overall, really strong episode! Happy to see that the focus of this episode was kept on THE GIRLS, who are and should remain the central focus of the show.
The only major issue is remembering to track the stories of two girls: Hannah and Isis. Nikeysha works as a trainwreck and it’s fine to see her in the bottom two, but we spend a LOT of time talking about these other two girls, and the place where we start the episode is not the same place we end it, especially with Hannah. Her photo shoot and panel are extremely underwhelming, because we never see how the drama in the house is or is not affecting her performance. Right now, there’s just a quick bite (that doesn’t even come right before her shoot) about letting go of the drama in the house, but after PUSHING Isis and being accused of RACISM, there has to be a bigger payoff. We recommend, since she doesn’t land near the bottom two, that her photo shoot is recut so that she does extremely well, and that you support this reality with bites about how she is letting go of the drama in the house and concentrating on her performance…if the other girls want to talk about her that’s fine, but she knows that she’s there with a job to do.
And as far as Isis, its weird that we invest so much in her hormone story and that it never pays off in affecting her photo shoot. If we’re going to see her giving herself a NEEDLE IN HER LEG, we should track that story throughout the episode and make sure it’s a necessary add. If not, I wouldn’t mind seeing it cut from the episode completely.
SPECIFIC:
2:15 — We’re starting with Marjorie’s picture displayed in the house? Feels like a soft opening. Any way we can get in some actual drama (like this Nikeysha pod that follows) to kick off the show in high gear? Any van reality we can hook all of these flashbacks and bites to instead of this one line in the kitchen, THEN get them back to the house and the beat about Marjorie’s picture?
2:53 — Maybe I’m old school, but I don’t actually think it means anything when Isis says she was called “second in panel.” If we’re truly making it a countdown from the best to the worst, I think we should make that clearer. In the short term, let’s replace Isis’s “I was called second in panel” with something like, “Last week, the judges really liked my photo.”
3:23 — We’ll need one of those “other Benny Ninja appearances on Top Model” packages to accompany Samantha’s bite that Benny has taught posing to the best of the best. Please also look for her saying the word “NINJA” to tack on after she says “BENNY,” for the sake of clarity.
4:15 — Could use some kind of flashback when Nikeysha tells us that the judges “keep telling Sheena to tone it down.” Don’t really remember having heard it.
6:25 — These lame “…and we got the Tyra Mail and we were like we don’t know WHAT it was about” bites should only be included if they bring something new to the discussion. This one does not.
7:04 — Too much ass.
7:07 — The Sheena pod is really great, but the transition into the Clark/Elina kiss needs work. It’s a HUGE moment to have two girls kissing in the hot tub…let’s sting out of the Sheena bit, then maybe a shot of the moon to denote time passing, then a bit from a girl being like, “And the later we got, the crazier the game became!” THEN back to Clark telling us about her dare. Also, her transition bite doesn’t work, because Clark says everyone was telling secrets, but so far all we’ve seen is two dares.
9:18 — This act out — and Hannah’s very real reaction to what her roommates said — are what makes this show the show that it is. Only thing I’d say is if you could find Isis doing something in the house to cut to, it might be worth moving her bite a tiny bit closer to the end of the act.
10:57 — Snazzy reveal, but it’s too long before we see the crazy pose Benny has struck on the couch, and it’s not held long enough. Extend. Also, after the CU on “welcome, models,” we should see another wide of him on the couch before he disembarks in that wide…don’t like this shot from behind.
11:42 — Is there a compelling reason we need to see Tarina’s creative team in a full-chyroned cutaway? Really interrupts the flow of the getting-ready montage, and we never hear them talk.
12:13 — The three parts of Tarina’s bite don’t really fit together. It’s okay (if generic) for her to mention that it was interesting for her to see the kinds of poses they were coming up with, but if one person uses her toes and then another does, why is it “a problem”? Need more clarification of what it is she’s looking for.
17:17 — Again, great act out. I’m thoroughly engaged!
17:59 — Whether it’s through the music or editing or both, we need to have a little more fun with the hot air balloon reveal. I know we don’t end up using it so it makes sense to downplay, but it’s playing really flat right now. Also, can we use this camera behind the girls with the balloon in the frame a few more times? It’s hard to get a sense of scale (I was surprised when they could hear Jay talking), and this angle helps.
21:34 — Hannah racism story starting to get a little stale/repetitive. If it’s building somewhere new this scene could work, but cutting away to Analeigh’s photo shoot makes this bit seem like much ado. Either cut or butt up against a NEW development with this story.
24:01 — Okay, see note above…when it came time for Hannah’s shoot, I was expecting one of two things, and I got neither: One, Hannah forgets about the drama in the house (as per her bite at 21:34) and aces the photo shoot. Or two, Hannah SAYS she forgot about the drama in the house, only to brick the photo shoot and then admit that it got the better of her. The way this plays now, she just doesn’t do well with NO recognition of the story we’ve been following until now. The photo shoot is a golden opportunity to call attention to her plight in the house, especially if it affects her performance. Need at least one bite that mentions this, or if you have NOTHING, try moving the ENTIRE scene from 21:34 to right before Hannah’s shoot begins. This shoot is falling flat right now.
24:01 — Also, Hannah’s “this is definitely my second photo shoot” doesn’t really make sense. It’s everyone’s second photo shoot. Is it her second photo shoot EVER? If so, please add.
25:28 — Again, guys, it seems weird that, after an ENTIRE episode of Hannah polarizing the girls, that we wouldn’t tie her jitters back to her causing instability in the house. Need some add to her bite, either “I need to show these girls who think I’m some hick that I can do this” or “I just hope everything going on back here hasn’t gotten inside my head blah blah blah” so we can tie her house behavior to her performance a little more.
26:05 — Hannah scene is good and Sheena bite works as an act out, but we need something from Isis here as I don’t really feel that she’s on the block. Right now I think Sheena is going home — which is FINE — but I don’t want to be taken completely by surprise.
26:28 — Is there a take where Tyra doesn’t get all sing-songy with the words, “Smaller and smaller?” She doesn’t need to spice up the action on stuff that’s just process.
27:08 — Do you have or can you ADR Tyra saying, “Tarina Tarantino, WHO” instead of “Tarina Tarantino, WHICH”?
27:16 — Is there a take where Tyra doesn’t get all sing-songy when she says Analeigh’s name? Need to have her start doing cleaner takes in the future!
28:06 — Just like her shoot, a totally unsatisfying payoff to the Hannah story…did she do well and triumph or did she do badly and let the drama affect her? Gotta pick one and go with it.
29:43 — Did Tyra specifically request the inclusion of this Steven Meisel story? It goes on much too long and doesn’t really contain any takeaway lessons for the girls. Seems like she’s telling it just for self-aggrandizement. Scale down further or cut completely.
34:52 — See my notes for 1102…there’s that music cue AGAIN.
38:58 — Not to beat a dead horse here, but the fact that there’s nothing of Tyra saying anything to Hannah when she gives her her picture underscores how hazy and under-told her story is in this episode. Really need to do another pass on her and clean this up.
40:18 — “And you need to learn to listen!” This ADR is mixed horribly.
The end with the Nikeysha bite continuing over the credits is HILARIOUS.
NEXT ON — A little lame. NO more drama than that we can mine from the makeovers? Makes me a little nervous about seeing the next episode!