i am so awesome.

Over the weekend I went to a party at a restaurant/nightclub/bar type thing. It had a wall of black mirrors when you walked in, which made the room — and the crowd — look twice its actual size.

But I didn’t know that.

So when I walked inside to the bar to get a drink, I headed towards what looked like the bar off to the right in front of me. And just before I slammed face-first into the mirror, I actually thought to myself: “Oh, hell no. I know this bitch is not gonna just turn the corner and walk right into me pretending she doesn’t see me! Are you kidding me? She–


You guys, the mirrors were really dark. “You need to put some fingerprints on that wall,” I told the waitstaff, who watched the whole thing unfold. “Or a webcam.”

“That happens every night,” one said. “Often to people who work here. Have a drink.”

Later that night, when I was walking through the crowd looking for someone, I realized there was an entire section of the bar I hadn’t even explored… until I tried to dodge the woman rudely headed towards me, and walked face-first into that same mirror… and that same woman.

I am gifted!

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