America’s Next Top Kitty

Previously on America’s Next Top Kitty: Shapeless, orange kitty Bumble and his fierce gray counterpart Tove made it to the competition’s final two.

Throughout the competition, they have grown up and grown out, from adorable kittens…

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…to no-less-adorable, slightly older kittens.

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With bizarrely long tentacle legs that defy the basic tenets of evolution.

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Dude.

Two kitties remain…who will be eliminated tonight?

THEME SONG: “You Wanna Be On Top (Of My Head While I’m Trying To Get Some Goddamn Sleep)”


Episode 112: “The Girl Who Is Actually Not A Girl, But Instead A Cat”Bumble and Tove lounge in separate locations of the model apartment, each contemplative about his place in the competition.Tove sits in a quiet corner by the window, thinking about all of the work that has led to this moment…DSC02203.JPG…whereas brainy,Brown-educated Bumble spends some quiet time catching up on his reading.DSC02435.JPG(NOTE: This would be an excellent opportunity for a bite from each of them of the “Being in the final two of this competition is so important to me because I’ve wanted to be a model all my life” variety, but…dude, cats can’t talk. Wait, did you really think they could? You’re weird.)Tove realizes that he might not be as fierce as he could be in the upcoming final runway show, so he puts on his best walking shoes and does an impromptu practice session around the house. Tove knows that a good model always keeps a bathing suit and a pair of heels handy!DSC02455.JPGBumble, meanwhile, feels the pressure of the competition as well. Pushed to the brink by the pressures of the competition, he lies his fat ass down on a passing clown and crushes it to death.DSC02759.JPGDon’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same thing if you had to walk a mile in his paws.Sworn enemies since the start of the competition (when Bumble was overheard in the hot tub talking SO MUCH TRASH about Tove), the two have avoided each other as much as possible.DSC02535.JPGBut as they get ready to leave the house for the day’s events, they meet in the living room and…fight!DSC02137.JPGTypical of the final episode of the show, though, before we head into judging, the two competitors make up and decide that the best kitty should win. Awwww!DSC01945_(Large).JPGOff they go to the final judging. Kitty Tyra meets them at their final judging and spells out what’s at stake here (NOTE: we don’t have the Kitty Tyra angle back from the vault yet, so all angles will be pulled from Kity Cams for scripting purposes. All Kitty Tyra shots to be pulled in the bay.).Welcome back to the judging room, kitties! You’ve really been through it all! Of course by now you know our prizes: a spread and the cover of Cat Fancy shot by world-renowned photographer Kitty Gilles Ben-Simone and a $100,000 contract with KoverKitty Kosmetics.Of course, you know our judges: the first is world’s first feline, Kitty Janice Dickinson (Janice shouts out, “I’m practically into my TENTH life by now, kitties!”). Also, we have Kitty Nigel Barker (Nigel purrs, “Don’t worry, kitties, my barker if worse than my bite, if you know what I mean. Rowr!”).Because is this is your final judging, some of your most notable photos from the season will now be critiqued.First up is the elongation shoot. You had a posing challenge that week, and the photo shoot was an exercise in keeping your body as long as possible while also maintaining the elegance of the shot. Tove, here is your best shot:DSC02428.JPGTove, you do seem to be working too hard, but we choose the one you see here because you really served it in the face. Do you see the difference between the face I’m making now and the face I’m making now? Right. They’re exactly the same. Anyway, well done in your shoot.And now, Bumble’s best shot.DSC02161.JPGBumble, you don’t seem to be serving it at all, but your natural talent really comes through.And then there was the week you worked with a hot, sexy male model. Let’s see that shot and evaluate you separately.DSC01962_(Large).JPGTove, again you come leaping out of the shot, with Bumble sort of lingering behind. But again, unfortunately, your eye goes right to Bumble, because there’s just something magnetic about that face. The one thing I will say, though, is that Bumble seemed much more concerned with the male model than with getting a good picture, because that is clearly one gay little kitty.We’ve evaluated, and we are ready to announce a winner.Will Bumble and Tove please step forward.Tove, you have all of the elements of what it takes to be a great model. You have charm, you have grit, you have determination. But when it comes to serving it and being fierce in a photo, sometimes you just fall short.Bumble, you have coasted through this competition without a care in the world. You show up late, you sass the judges, you disappear under the bed for hours on end the second company comes over. But there is something undeniable about that little face, and it makes the judges think that if you can adjust your attitude and stop being such a freak, you could really become a superstar.Wildly dramatic pause.Oh, I can’t choose a winner. What kind of parent would that make me? Let’s just look at one more picture instead. Awwww!DSC02581.JPGI have lost my mind.[PHOTO CREDIT: All pictures by Eric]