Fag penguins, that is.

I don’t know what byzantine Googling stream of consciousness led Tracie to this article, but she wanted to share it with me, and I wanted to share it with you.

So read it.

Oh, the poor things. Just trying to get their monogamous penguin freak on with someone they love. Stupid people, butting in and gumming up their love.

The four Swedish females were dispatched to the Bremerhaven Zoo in Bremen after it was found that three of the zoo’s five penguin pairs were homosexual.

Insert your own “they work their formalwear better than all the other penguins” joke here.

She said that the birds had been mating for years and one couple even adopted a stone that they protected like an egg.

Didn’t this break your heart just a little? I think I’ll expand on the concept when I pitch the upcoming children’s book Heather the Zoo Stone has Two Penguin Mommies. Does it call one “Mom” and the other one “Mommy”? In either case…sssssssh, the baby penguin rock is sleeeeeping!

earlier experiments revealed great difficulties in separating homosexual couples.

Until one of them meets Portia DeRossi Penguin, and then FUCK ALL TO MONOGAMY.

Director Heike Kueck said that the zoo hoped to see some baby penguins in the coming months.

Well then, maybe Herr Director should start thinking about boning some penguins himself. And if one of those baby penguins comes out looking like David Crosby, we’re coming to ask that zoo some questions.

Oddly, this article about Swedish penguins, indigenous to South America, living in a German zoo, seems to have been printed in a Pakistani newspaper. The whole world cares about the plight of the gay penguins. And said website also features a link to something called “Infotainment,” which, unless I completely miss my mark here, was a word invented by Homer Simpson.

Antarctica just got a little bit hotter.