I’ve taken on the task of recapping every show at TWoP. Well, not every show. Just every reality show. Okay, not every reality show. Just nine of them. Six of them. Four of them. Okay, fine, three of them.

Here are two of them: the increasingly unwatchable new season of The Bachelorette and the overly-watchable America’s Next Top Model. If you don’t hear from me for a while after the premiere of My Big Fat Blah Blah Blee Bloo Mech, it’s because I’ve retreated to a ditch, where I am sitting alone, rocking.