I’m sitting in a hotel in midtown in the city that I live in. I’ve already charged over $50 to my room, because the people who put me here can afford it. Excuse me while I go mail some pointless letters to friends I haven’t seen in a while. After that, maybe I’ll order a muffin.

Y’all go read some Cat in the Hat reviews, if you can hear yourself think over the sound of Mike Myers’s career plummeting toward earth. I absolutely delight in negative film reviews; it’s not that I enjoy seeing hardworking filmmakers cut down a notch, because I do believe it is harder to make a film than it is to review one. However, I think there’s a real art in the negative review, a real emotional investment on the part of the reviewer to see a terrible movie for the mistake of the medium that it so clearly is, and to punish it accordingly. Just for sport, I used to see every movie that Entertainment Weekly gave a hardcore “F” to, and I saw one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen (Val Kilmer’s classic ode to cold fusion The Saint) and one of the best (that’s right, America…EW gave a failing grade to O Brother Where Art Thou).

In other riveting news, the new and final Bachelor recap is up. One week until Trista and Ryan’s wedding, and probably one more week after that until the next season starts anew.