Oh, man. I guess it was bound to happen. I’ve gone over my monthly bandwidth allotment again. I get 7 Gig/ month of data transfer. They’re projecting 10 Gig for this month, which will cost $212 for the month of September if I don’t do something very soon to fix it. For those of you who’ve been with Squishy since the beginning, you know this is why I ended up having to close down the site, when Verio.com raised my rates to over three hundred dollars a month to keep the site running. I’ve outgrown the small plan I’d moved to when I closed the site down, and already, just a couple of months in, I’m over my allotment. Is it because I used pictures this month when I normally don’t? Won’t this just be the problem now that there are more pages on my site to browse? How can I find a monthly webhost plan that’s reliable and less than fifty bucks a month? Because, come on, I don’t want to spend more than fifty bucks a month for my journal. That’s insane, right? Shouldn’t this be easier?

Little Drummer Boy’s playing a sad, sad, clumsy song for me.

It’s been a difficult day, overall, with friends getting sad news and work being frustrating. Editing this book has become a very difficult job. Some of these things I wrote several years ago, and this book is now in its third or fourth draft in parts, so my writing has changed a bit over this time. I find myself unable to stop fixing at things, like picking a word scab, hoping I can make it smaller, less noticable, less obvious. It won’t stop itching me, whispering that it’s not good enough and that everyone will laugh at me. I worry about the people I don’t know not liking it, but I worry even more that the people I love won’t know how to tell me just how much it sucks.

Anyway, I’m terribly pissed off about the state of my bandwidth problem, and uploading this page is only going to make it worse. I guess I’ll get this all figured out in the next couple of days, but I sure wish there was a cheap option to all of this. I figured I’d be fine without the forum. I mean, is it just downloading the pictures that did it? I can keep this picture free. How the hell does Rob get to have so many pictures and movies and I can’t put up a lousy shot of a road trip sunset? I’ve been keeping a website for over four years now. I’ve been the administrator of my own multi-user database. Why don’t I know something as simple as how to get cheap bandwidth? Is it just that I’ve been duped by Verio.com for the past four years? Have they been lying to me all this time? I will give them this: my site has never gone down. I can always get my email. These are two very important things to me. Can you offer me a more reliable company that won’t go down, has good tech support and doesn’t charge for bandwidth?