not too late

I don’t think it’s too late to do this. In fact, it’s what I’ve been thinking about for the past few days.

I’m thankful that I got to go home this past weekend. I’m thankful that not only I got to spend time with my family, I also got to spend time with friends. I love the sound of a house filled with laughter. I saw my sister more than I can remember doing in a long time. I’m very thankful for that. People were smiling. The food was good. I stayed up way too late and talked all night. Everyone got along and I had a great time. I’m thankful that even though I won’t be able to go home for Christmas this year, I got to spend time with my family and have it be holiday-filled.

But…

I’m not thankful that I can’t afford to go home for Christmas.

I’m thankful that I don’t get so involved in politics that I start to cry. I find it sad that this election debate has gone on so long that the American public now doesn’t care and just wishes it would end. I knew that would happen once it went past the first day. America doesn’t like to wait on an answer for more than one day. I’m thankful that I live in a peaceful enough country that this sort of indecision does not cause public rioting, violence or widespread panic.

But…

I’m not thankful for the incredible amount of chad jokes, “snippy” jokes and Bush impersonations.

I’m thankful for the opportunities that I get. I’m thankful that I’m confident in my work enough to go to auditions. I’m thankful for the certain place that liked that particular audition and asked me to join.

But…

I’m not thankful for those nervous thoughts I get when I think about starting this project in January. I do it to myself, just me, and that’s why it really hurts.

I’m thankful technology allows me to sponsor a secret santa project so that all of the squishites can gift-give small tokens to each other this year. I’m also thankful because I can type the following sentence and know that my mom will read it, understand it and not have any questions about how it works (We’ve come a long way in a year, Mom, haven’t we? I’m proud of us.)– Okay, for ideas on Christmas this year, Mom, you can go to this wishlist. Don’t even look at the expensive ones. Those are just for entries in their contest.) It’s a good place to give the Bose some suggestions, because she can go and find those at the mall.

But…

I’m not thankful that I end up spending two hours surfing around Amazon.com looking for things to give people, thinking of things I meant to buy earlier, trying to remember addresses and generally getting annoyed with myself for not having enough money.

I’m thankful for the people that have hired me, supported me and encouraged my work this year. I write for some of the coolest places I know and I’m incredibly proud of both the people I work with and the things that I’ve done.

But…

With Gilmore Girls on a two-week hiatus, I’m going through sappy girl-power withdrawal.

I’m thankful for the patience of the people that visit the Squishy forum. I’m glad that I have the ability to give them what they want in a rather timely fashion. I’m glad they’re happy and that they visit me every day with stories and jokes and remarkable amounts of silliness. Don’t look now, but some of them are planning Squishy Weddings. I’m not even going near that one. Enjoy the new Padding section of the forum. And for those of you who liked to talk about journalling– you got your forum back.

But…

Fixing a forum is exhausting.

I’m thankful that I have a love of reading, and take time each day to read a magazine or two.

But…

Does it make me snobby or pretentious that I was laughing at The New Yorker while sipping my latte this afternoon? Yeah, I thought so.

I’m thankful for the people in my life. I have the greatest friends a girl could ask for. I’m loved and love more people than one heart can hold. I am blessed every day with generous, happy, joyful people that make me laugh and make me feel all warm and fuzzy. I love all of my friends so damn much and I feel so damn lucky. For real.

AND…

I’m so thankful that I don’t actually know any of the people that attended the Limp Bizkit/Eminem/Papa Roach/Xzibit concert. If you did, please don’t tell me. Isn’t it much nicer where our relationship is right now, where I’m not judging you and thinking you’re a sad sad person?

I’m thankful that I have sweaters. I’m thankful for holiday lights. I’m thankful that I have a friend here that can call me up and say, “Don’t go out tonight, there’s a huge parade,” before I try and run errands and get stuck in my neighborhood. I’m thankful that I’m good at Scrabble. I’m thankful I’ve found people who will continue to play with me even when I beat them in Scrabble. I’m thankful for my cats, and I am very thankful that the weather is colder as that makes them more cuddly.

But…

I’m not thankful for the fact that Cal has figured out how to slam hard enough into the back door and open it.

I’m thankful for my ability to reason, and figure out that this mood I’d been in before was probably related to my allergy pills.

But…

I’m not thankful that I’m just taking them again to make sure I feel better. Now, yes, I’m not sniffly and my eyes don’t water and my mood stays up and I’m singing songs all day, but I’m pretty sure I’m becoming a speed freak.

I’m thankful for Eric who is my hero and the ever-stoic face of understanding. With both of us at home these days he’s sure a patient one.

But…

I’m not thankful that he’s started referring to this swelling in my hand I’ve developed recently as my “Meaty Femme-Paw.”

I’m thankful that I can get lots of work done in one day and meet deadlines and still send email and get my list tackled and then re-organize my day so that some things I’ll do tomorrow and not feel like I’m behind anymore.

But…

As I write this sentence, I’ve officially been at my computer working for eleven hours today. And that’s just too long. I’m out, yo.

Did I thank you? Because I want to.

Thank you.

You know why.

You do.

Well, you should, anyway.

You rock.

No, really.

And you’re pretty cute.

And, listen…

I’ll tell you a secret.

You’re my favorite.

Out of anyone else.

I swear.

Don’t tell anyone I told you that, okay?

Thanks.