why i know i shouldn’t be part of corporate america

Oh, Lord. First off, I should say that I never attend corporate socials or parties. I’ve always tried to keep a respectable distance between myself and my co-workers, assuming that the less they knew about the real me, the better.

That being said, I still ended up at the corporate open bar party last night.

Yeah, open bar.

Only planning on being there for thirty minutes or so. Let’s just say I was there past a reasonable hour for a Wednesday night.

I don’t know what happened. I don’t. Well, since I had spent almost every single hour of yesterday in a meeting, I did want to sort of wind down before I went home and worked some more. I was supposed to go home and do work, people. I didn’t. I decided to stay with the people that I had been with all day long. Something to do with the free drinks, I’m sure, but the next thing I knew I had been there for over five hours and my face hurt from laughing. It was like the entire company was on some sort of field trip. We were joking about who was having to sit next to whom on the trip to the Capitol building the next day, and which one was going to have to sleep with so-and-so in the hotel room that night. Stupid-silly.

And being funny in Corporate America can be dangerous. Suddenly you’re having to hold court and entertain a table of people and that kicks in the “on” mode for a performer, and I’m like Whoopi in the center square all of a sudden. And people just start telling you things about them that you never thought you’d know and things you’d never guess. People that you only casually know are suddenly all touching you and telling you how important you are to the company. Guy I Do Know from the forehead entry totally pawed my head and told me how awesome my forehead is. This is why I try and keep shit on the down low at work. I screwed up. I went to the open bar party. I have formed a mini-alliance with all of my partners in crime from that evening, and we really can’t take that night back. Not that I think anyone would want to, but still. It’s there. It’ll be there in every meeting, every function, and at the next open bar party. I had a good time, though, which I didn’t think I would. I just happened to bond with the other people who felt that they didn’t fit in Corporate America.

There was a moment yesterday when all of the people around me were discussing new babies, divorces, the pros and cons of minivans, and corporate strategy. I realized that I am not in my element in Corporate America. My job is Funny Web Monkey Girl. Dance for me, baby. I lucked out that there are a few of us here at this place, and I just stuck to them last night. So, did we have fun despite the party, or were we truly getting into the Team Spirit?

In any event, this morning was the best part of the entire thing, since now everyone is sober, and coming in just a bit later, and either giving each other strange sidelooks or just cracking up at the sight of each other. Just like a field trip. I totally think Bob in Shipping is gonna ask Carol in Accounts Payable to go with him.

I’m swamped with work today, so I’m keeping it short. Austinites, go see A Clockwork Orange the Musical and give Jeff the love he deserves.

Eric gets a shout-out and is called both “notable talent” and “new blood” in the review for his latest play, Bleacher Bums.

And I’m talking about freelance work in today’s Web Head.

And I’m spent.