(insert heavy sigh here)

Wow. You know, I knew yesterday was going pretty bad, but it only got worse.

We got the phone call. We aren’t going to Aspen.

Let’s see how I handled this last year…

Great. Good to know that it’s not exactly the same, I mean, at least this time I have a different job. I have quite a few jobs, really.

I could give you all of the reasons they gave us, but they really don’t mean anything because they aren’t the real reason. The real reason is they only liked the two people they picked to go this year. Any excuse could easily be the same excuse they’d give as to why they liked us. It boils down to what they want. This year, just like last year, it was almost us but not quite.

And a big “no” on the one-person show as well. You know, that one doesn’t bother me as much. I did a good show that night. I did something I didn’t think I could do. It really doesn’t matter to me if they didn’t think it was ready for a showcase. I know that it was a tougher audition than they realized.

Just like last year, hearing about Aspen has made me stop and think about what I’m doing. It’s made me wonder if I’m headed in the right direction, if I’m doing too many things… I had a friend tell me once that I can’t possibly be successful if I keep doing too many things at once. She said nothing would get the right amount of attention. I don’t really believe that, but it’s a theory.

I don’t live in L.A. It’s tough to get work when you don’t live in L.A. That’s just the bottom line. But I’ve been there twice, and I don’t think I’d want to live there. I really don’t. I don’t know what it is about that town, but I never feel welcome when I’m there.

So, what, so we spent another half of a year working on a show that we’ll never do again to be performed once for a group of people that didn’t like it enough. It’s over. Don’t sweat it, just pick up and move on, right? Yeah.

I really liked doing that “Genie in a Bottle” sketch.

Then last night I made the mistake of watching a classic episode of Mr. Show with Ronnie Dobbs and I realized that I don’t really know what the hell I’m doing. I can’t write shit like that. I never make myself laugh so hard that I’m clutching my spleen. I’m not supposed to be in Aspen with these people. I’m supposed to be here, I guess. Maybe one day, but not now. I’m not that good. I’m not stupid.

I’m not going to do this. I’m not going to sit here and wallow. It’s not worth it and I don’t want to do it. Last year I was really upset. This year I’m sort of like, “Well, of course we’re not going. We were never going. There’s no point in getting worked up.” I just wish that they’d call ahead of time and go, “Look, don’t knock yourselves out with your show or anything, because you aren’t getting in.” Then I wouldn’t have to waste so much time.

I wrote that one person show for the Aspen audition. I wonder if I’ll ever do it again.

Anyway, here’s some stuff that doesn’t suck that I wrote before today when I feel like I suck. An Ally McBeal recap, the latest Technopolis, and some classic Boobtoob reviews I wrote that Stee reminded me about.

Post pity remark: The Diarist.net winners were posted. Maybe I don’t suck too much. Thanks to everyone who voted for me. I kind of like Rob being the Susan Lucci of the diarist awards, though. It fits him well. We’ll just keep rooting for him every time and then we get to read his highly entertaining remarks about it all. Shout outs and props to my boy Stee, who not only has made me laugh consistently but also let me know the real Bill Pullman. Toni’s “Outstanding Entry” truly is. I thought about that piece for days afterwards. Congrats to all of the finalists and the winners. Thanks for making the online journal world continually outstanding.