but i’m looking forward

Well, today is my last day at my current job.  I’ve worked here for two years and two months.  It’s pretty amazing.  I’m looking around this office I have to clean up and I’m finding things that I’ve completely forgotten about.  Old clippings, old phone lists, old meeting agendas– I’ve been here long enough to see five different managers.  I’ve watched several co-workers come and go.  And I’ve been here through all of that.

Today is my company’s tenth birthday.  It seems rather fitting that I should leave on a day that they are starting a new beginning.  It’s time for me to start one as well.

I had been looking forward to starting something new for so long that I hadn’t really thought about the place I was going to leave.  It wasn’t until this week when several people have stopped by my office to talk about the “bad news” (a phrase I’ve heard from at least five different people) that I realized that I have made an impression here.  It’s these people that I’m going to miss the most.

Forty hours a week for over two years.  I’ve spent a lot of time in these halls.  I’m used to the sound of the door by my office opening– announcing time for another smoke break.  I’m used to the wiggle of my monitor as the person on the other side of my office wall turns on his machine.  Squishy was born in this building.

But I think this move is going to be a good one.  I’m ready to start something new.  I’m ready to meet new people and be in a new environment.  I’m ready to take my desk of toys to another building.

But I’m still a bit scared.

I like the security of this office.  I’ve grown used to the walk to my office and the view out my window.

I’m not paying for a thing today.  Lunch is being bought… my friend gave me ten dollars to make sure that my first two drinks this afternoon are on her… people keep asking me to go out for one last smoke…I feel like I’m going to be missed.  That’s a good feeling.  You never really know if you’re making an impact until you see the results of your absence.  People have been so nice around here about Lillith, and they are still making plans to come see my shows.  Others are working to make sure my departure is as painless as possible, what with having to deal with exit papers and 401K and all that stuff.  It’s nice.

It’s like I’m leaving for college or something.

So, I’m about to upload the last Squishy entry from here.  Then I have to take down my Spice Girls poster.  My Jane’s Addiction poster.  I have to move my Beatles picture to the car.  I have to box up my Slinky, my lamp, my CD’s, my Grover cup, my Office Voodoo Doll (which started working the day I wrote it a letter).

I’ve been working here almost as long as Eric and I have been together.  I’ve been working here almost as long as I’ve had Lillith and Taylor.

Eric said this is a big month of changes for me. He’s right.  I feel like all sorts of things are happening.   Our home life is adjusting to just the three of us.  I’m in a sketch show that I’m not directing.  I’m working my one-person show for an audition.  I’m in my first “play” play since college.  My mom’s birthday is this weekend and it’s the first time that I won’t be coming home for her birthday.  I start a new job that I got completely on my own without a friend’s referral.  I won’t know anyone there already.

Is this the start of my grown-up life?

Yeah, I’m being a bit melodramatic, I know.  It’s because I have to pack all of this stuff up.  This will be good for me, though.  I’m ready to turn in my badge and walk out those doors and take a deep breath and start a new beginning.