will this new hair make me funnier?

I’m going to my parent’s house this weekend. Their computer has been down, so I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to update, but I’ll try. You know I will. That and even if Dad has the computer up and running, he only has 10 hours a month of internet service.

Ten hours. How terrible. A $4000 machine that has DVD and buttons on the keyboard that you just push if you want to connect to the internet or check your mail… ten hours a month. Why even bother?

Last night I colored my hair red. Well, it’s only temporary. I just wanted to do something different since I’m not on stage for a couple of weeks and I can do whatever I want. It turned out really really red. I didn’t think it would be so bright. Everyone seems to like it but me. I feel like Angela in My So-Called Life. Where’s Jordan?

I got a little worried last night while I was doing my hair because there’s an 800 number that you can call anytime if you screw it up. There’s that much chance of me screwing it up that I have an emergency number that answers quicker than 911. I was sitting on my couch last night with the dye in my hair thinking “Was that ten minutes? It says ten minutes. Well, it says ten minutes from after I’m done applying. I’m not really sure when that was. It also says if I leave it in longer I’ll get more dramatic color. That sounds sexy. But how long is longer? Maybe I should start getting ready to take my shower so I can just jump in and go. Okay, that didn’t take so long… I guess I’ll just get undressed and wait for the water to warm up. Done. Hmm.. has it been ten minutes? I think so… but is it long enough to be dramatic? I just want to look like the girl on the box.”

And so I’m standing in my bathroom with the shower running and fogging up the room and I’m naked and holding the phone.

I’m really glad that there’s not a channel that just watches me 24 hours a day. I used to pretend that all the time when I was a kid. Pam TV. Whenever I got bored at school I would just turn to the camera and talk about how I felt about everything. The Real World and the Truman Show ripped off my childhood makebelieve world. I don’t know how they did that. PamTV was 24 hours a day (which is funny to think about… who would watch me sleep?) and the only time you didn’t see me was when I went to the bathroom. Then it would break for commercial. I have a friend who said she used to do the same thing when she was a kid, but she wouldn’t break for commercial, she just always peed while wrapping the shower curtain around her body so no one saw anything. Clever.

I’m not really sure what to write about last night. We all sang a lot and drank a lot. We had a divorce party for one of my friends. She’s divorced now.

Oh, I am so happy about this four day weekend. If it starts getting slow around here today I’m sure they’ll let us go home early.

I’m just really tired. Stayed out too late last night singing with the divorcee. Gave her a book: Men: An Owner’s Manual. It’s absolutely terrible. I guess that’s why it’s out of print. It has chapters like “How to get out of giving oral sex.” “How to know if you have a man living with you.” “How to get the ring.” “Why men are pigs.” It says that men are constantly thinking about oral sex. That everything that you do reminds them of oral sex. I was teasing Eric about that last night. “So is this left turn I’m taking reminding you of oral sex? How about my hazard button? I’m pulling into the McDonalds… are you thinking about oral sex?” It makes men sound like animals and that women have to rule them and control them and train them.

I never bought into that way of thinking.

Well, I plan on updating tomorrow, but if I don’t write again for a couple of days, I guess you’ll understand. Won’t you? Won’t you? Please?

Have a very safe and happy holiday with lots of love.

(I wonder when we started putting in that “safe” word? I’m sure they didn’t do it back in the 50’s or anything. Now our holidays are just so “dangerous” that we have to wish safety on each other.)