but there were planes to catch and bills to pay

First let me say that I used to be really good with bills.

I used to pay them on time.

Now I’m terrible about them. It’s not like I mean to, but I just sort of forget that I haven’t paid them. I think it’s because I don’t check the mail anymore, so I don’t see them come in. I sort of forget about mail until a magazine comes in for me or something.

I’m sitting here in a pile of bills trying to figure out which one I can pay when and which ones can wait for my next paycheck. I hate that. Today I have to pay the balance on my trip in January to the travel agency, and that is what is causing a bit of my problem… well, that and I went and bought some CDs and clothes on Monday, but that was understandable, you know? I hadn’t bought anything for myself in a while. It was time to treat myself to a nice sweater, you know?

So then the gym wrote me a letter saying that I owed them a ton of money… I haven’t gone to that gym in months because it was always one hassle after another, but apparently they want something in writing saying that I am not going there anymore, or they will keep charging me. So I called to complain, and now I have to make a letter of complaint so that I may not have to pay the hundreds of dollars they say I owe them for not going to their gym.

last night’s outburst tally:

games played: 2
games won: 1

It ain’t no Scrabble, but hey.

[db]

So I’m very excited about my trip in January, and I’m not letting it affect this bill situation that I have here. I’m actually fine, money-wise, I just hate having to figure out exactly how much money I have for this and how much for that. I just want everything paid for. I wish that I just had these checks all filled out and I just sent them out when it’s time.

how whiny is that? “Ih! I don’t want to have to write out my checks! I just want them all paid for!” I can see why people abuse their personal assistants.

Personal assistant… I could use one of those. Hell, I’d be a good one of those. I always know when things are due, and if it was just my job to make sure other people’s lives were running on time… that’d be perfect! All of my stage management/directing skills put to the purpose of making other people’s lives easier.

But I’d get too involved. Of course I’d get too involved. I always do. I just want everyone to be so happy all the time that I just write out a future for them, you know? I decide where their relationships should go and where they should live and where they should work and I create this ultimate fantasy of them being incredibly successful and happy and perfect… and when it doesn’t work out the way I dreamed it up, I am always hurt. Like my fantasy didn’t come true about their lives. I get so selfish about people’s happiness. I just want everything to be so simple. No, not everything. I want things to be complex and interesting… I just want people to have simple paths to happiness. Everything else can be complex, but ultimately what they want in life should just be an easy choice. How happy we would all be if we just knew what it was we wanted and what we had to do to get it. Just like my college career plan. Do the core, take the test, do the intensive study– here’s your degree. Here’s your house, here’s your optional children, here’s your career, here’s your husband, here’s your family conveniently located just outside of daily visiting, here’s your memory book, here’s your close friends, here’s your distant friends, here’s your meaningful hobby, just sign here if you want fame and fortune, just sign here if you want lots of money or just comfortable money, sign here for your car, sign here for your pets who will never die, and here’s the place where you will vacation, sign here to have three broken hearts that you schedule at your convenience, and here’s the place where you will live out your retirement.

But I just assume that as soon as I sign my life will become terribly, terribly boring.