(hee hee) x 3

[scripty]
Dana
Happy birthday, Allison.

Pamie
Yeah, happy birthday. That food was so good.

Allison
Thanks. I love this place. Scott and I come here all the time. It’s kind of ridiculous. One time last week, we came in for lunch and dinner.

Dana
You must come in here a lot, because when you were parking the car we told them, “It’s our friend’s birthday.” And they went, “Oh, it’s Allison’s birthday?”

Allison
That’s… well, yeah, I come here way too often. But, y’all, I’m so good. I didn’t come here today, and I didn’t come here yesterday.

(beat)

Pamie
Allison. It is today. And you’re here now.

Dana
Yeah, and didn’t you come here yesterday?

Allison
Oh, crap.

[db]

[scripty]
Gritty
That’s it! Get your ass on her!

Pamie
Those two girls up on the track are so small.

Gritty
I know. Not an ass between them.

Pamie
Just a bunch of arms. Look at all their arms!

Gritty
It does look like they have a lot of arms.

Pamie
No ass, but eight arms. Wait. No, they do have eight arms. Wait. No, they have… they have… two girls have four arms, right? No, I was right the first time. Eight arms.

Gritty
Wow.

Pamie
Two girls… oh. No. Four arms.

Gritty
(Patting my helmet)
It’s been a rough week.

Pamie
Maybe I was thinking limbs.

Gritty
You’ve been hit in the head a lot. It’s okay. I understand.
[/scripty]

[db]

[scripty]
Cat
Pamie, I think you should have a baby. Oh! Yes! I just came up with that, but it’s true. I want you to have a baby. Right now.

Dana
No.

Pamie
What? Why?

Cat
(clapping with glee)
Because then I can hold it!

Pamie
Well, that makes sense. I’ll get right on it.

Cat
And then the four of us can raise it together.

Dana
There are three of us sitting here.

Cat
Sara will want to help raise the baby.

Pamie
(Sara voice)
“Fine, Baby. I guess you’re coming with me to the set tonight.”

Dana
I’m the one trained to raise children. I’ll have to use all of my professional knowledge when Pam just lets that kid run all over her.

Pamie
Isn’t this my baby at all? And if I got pregnant, wouldn’t there be someone else who would have a say in all of this?

Cat
Ooh! When the baby needs a stern talking to, or a man’s opinion, I’ll put on a mustache.

Pamie
Cat, you just want to wear a mustache.

Cat
Yeah. Yeah.

Pamie
Jeez. Then one day you won’t be able to find your mustache, and you’ll be walking around with your finger looped your finger over your mouth.

Cat
Ooh, that’ll work. (Looping finger over mouth, in deep voice:) “What seems to be the problem, Baby? What can Daddymommy do for you?”

Dana
(disgusted)
Ohmigod, I’m voting Yes on Prop 8.
[/scripty]

(Watch Sara’s ultra-steamy-lesbianific House episode airing tonight!)