A moment from last month.

[scripty]
JEFF
Hello?

PAMIE
Jeff. I’m having a very Hollywood moment, and I know only you, the jaded New York actor-boy, would appreciate it.

JEFF
Hit me, hooker.

PAMIE
I’m driving down Santa Monica Boulevard, away from my television job, on my way to pack my things to head to Vegas, and I’m stuck in traffic because we’re all being diverted because of a shooting.

JEFF
Awesome. You are the official girl of Hollywood. You’re a one-woman Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce.

PAMIE
Hold on; I got another call.

JEFF
Okay.

PAMIE
Jeff.

JEFF
Who is it?

PAMIE
My agent.

JEFF
I can’t even handle that.
[/scripty]

[db]

This morning…

[scripty]
PAMIE
Hi. I never know which gate I’m supposed to go through.

UNIVERSAL GATE GUY
Gate Three. Take a right at the sign for our upcoming movie The Break-Up.

PAMIE
Wow. That is marketing.
[/scripty]

[db]

Last month

[scripty]
STEE
Do you think we should do something with the dining room?

PAMIE
You mean the part of the living room/kitchen that we have a table in? It’s not really a dining room.

STEE
Well.

PAMIE
It’s not a room, nor do we dine there.

STEE
Still. Do you have vision? I don’t have any vision.

PAMIE
Stee. It’s so late. Please don’t make me design.

STEE
It just seems like we’re wasting it.

PAMIE
We use that kitchen table to hold a pile of mail. It’s also a convenient launching pad for the cats. Remember when you were going to build that banquette? What happened to that?

STEE
Yeah. Do you have any vision?

PAMIE
I’m envisioning closing my eyes and going to sleep.

STEE
It just seems like maybe we can do more with the living room, that’s all. Or over there. Or close off the kitchen so–

PAMIE
Wait. This is all because of the new television, isn’t it?

STEE
Um.

PAMIE
You think our house isn’t good enough for the flat screen.

STEE
But the television is so pretty!

PAMIE
It isn’t better than we are.

STEE
Pam, it kind of is!
[/scripty]

[db]

From a few months ago…

[scripty]
DAN
Okay, Pamie. Are you sure you wanna do this?

PAMIE
It’s mostly the name that sounds bad. “Wheatgrass.” That doesn’t sound tasty. What does it taste like?

DAN
Exactly like grass. Like your lawn. But surprisingly, not that bad.

PAMIE
Huh.

DAN
You don’t have to do this.

PAMIE
We’re going to do this.

DAN
Okay. Are you nervous?

PAMIE
Nah. It’ll be over quickly.

DAN
Actually, I haven’t told you about the swishing yet.

PAMIE
Swishing?

DAN
You hold it in your mouth and swish it for thirty seconds before you swallow.

PAMIE
Your food gets weirder every day.

DAN
I know. It’s supposed to wake up the vitamins or something. I don’t know. But you swish, and then you swallow.

PAMIE
Hey, look at the police officers sitting at Quiznos over there.

DAN
All of them?

PAMIE
No, just–

DAN
That one.

PAMIE
Yes.

DAN
Hello, Hot Cop.

PAMIE
Yeah.

DAN
Wow. Should we rob the Jamba Juice or something?

PAMIE
That’s what I’m thinking.

DAN
Jeez.

PAMIE
Seriously. I don’t even have a cop thing, and look at that guy.

DAN
I bet you could just put it in your mouth. You don’t have to swallow.

[Pamie stares at Dan with a look of confusion and slight shock.]

DAN
You think I’m still talking about the cop.

PAMIE
Yes!!

DAN
I meant the wheatgrass!

PAMIE
Oh, my God!
[/scripty]