fashion victims

[scripty]
stee
So I’m at the party, sitting around, and in walks three people with these t-shirts with writing on them? You know one said something like, “I’m not your girlfriend.” And another had that stupid bunny holding his ears saying, “I don’t like it when you talk.” And the other was some ironic “Boise is for Lovers” or some shit. And they walked in together, two girls and a guy, and I couldn’t help it. I shouted, “Hey, look! It’s the snarky t-shirt brigade!” And everyone laughed and they looked so embarrassed. It was awesome.

pamie
That’s so mean.

stee
Yeah, I kind of felt like a dick.

pamie
Because it was kind of dicky. They walked in and you made fun of them loudly and then everyone laughed at them when they stood in the doorway?

stee
Uh, kinda.

pamie
That’s horrible!

stee
It was funny.

pamie
I know it is. But still. I mean, it’s hilarious. I hate those bunny shirts. But that’s so mean, stee.

stee
Yeah, I felt bad for them because everybody laughed. But I had to say it.

pamie
So mean. But you just reminded me of the stupidest shirt I used to own. I forgot all about it until now.

stee
One of your hippie Greenpeace shirts from high school?

pamie
NO. And those weren’t stupid. They were about the world, stee.

stee
Uh-huh.

pamie
I’m pretty sure I bought it at Spencer’s, which should tell you enough. But if I remember correctly, it was a comic, like a drawing, of a kid staring at his dog, and they’re on the lawn in front of a fence, and the kid asks the dog, “You’ve been eating my bubble gum again, haven’t you?” And the dog is looking at him with this innocent expression, but there’s a huge pink bubble coming out of its ass.

[SILENCE]

stee
That is the dumbest shirt I’ve ever heard of.

pamie
Horrible! The worst shirt ever.

stee
I cannot believe your mother let you out of the house in that. Mine would never have let me.

pamie
Mom hated it so much. So much. I think I had to sneak it out of the house to wear it. Although at a certain point, she let us rebel through clothing, because that’s all we had. I wasn’t allowed to wear makeup or paint my nails or dye my hair or pierce anything. I didn’t want a tattoo. So I wore stupid clothes. Which… I guess I still kind of do.

stee
I wore a Ratt t-shirt. I loved it so much.

pamie
Did you even listen to Ratt? You didn’t!

stee
No. That’s the thing. I listened to Iron Maiden and Crue–

pamie
“Crue?” Who are you? You listened to Iron Maiden?

stee
Well…

pamie
No, you didn’t.

stee
[Throwing devil horns]
Eddie!

pamie
You didn’t even listen to old Metallica. You weren’t hardcore.

stee
Right. I only listened to the bad music. That’s how you know I was a total poseur. But at least I didn’t wear shirts with dogs shitting gum.

pamie
I also wore one of those black, bleach-tie-dyed shirts with a collage of Divine all over it.

stee
I don’t understand what that means.

pamie
And I am pretty sure I wore it in college. Oh, I was so enamored with my t-shirt collection. I had an Eraserhead shirt.

stee
You say that like it’s still not hanging in the closet.

pamie
Oh, you saw that.

stee
I don’t understand that.

pamie
I don’t understand how I owned a hypercolor t-shirt.

stee
What? What’s hypercolor?

pamie
The shirt changed color when it hit sunlight.

stee
Ha!

pamie
Worse, mine was an environmental hypercolor shirt, which means it showed all of these endangered species, and when it hit sunlight, the animals disappeared.

stee
Wow.

pamie
I know.

stee
I don’t feel so bad about my Ratt shirt anymore.

pamie
I used to think my shirts were so funny and awesome. Such a dork.

stee
I still can’t believe your mother let you wear any of that.

pamie
She cried every day. All she wanted were daughters. She had a couple of hooligans in torn jeans, baggy t-shirts, weird hair and sneakers. My poor mom.

stee
Hee. “Snarky T-Shirt Brigade.”

pamie
You’re really proud of that one, aren’t you?

stee
Call Dan. Tell him what I said.

pamie
Jesus.
[/scripty]