reality is this: i’m currently blogging in my kitchen, waiting for an english muffin to toast in the toaster oven. i am toasting an english muffin because it is the only thing I could find to eat, and i’m blogging because I don’t know what else to do with these five minutes. I’m reading a book and it’s cold in the house and stee’s at poker and I’ve been home for less than an hour and I already went through eight Oprahs on TiVo and can’t find something to do that doesn’t remind me that I haven’t had any dinner. Continue reading

As If

I was just telling someone the other day about the time I checked A Clockwork Orange out of my high school’s library, and couldn’t follow the story from one chapter to the next.

“I’m smart,” I said to my friend Tyson. “But this book makes me feel really dumb. I don’t know what’s going on.”

He took the book from me and flipped through the pages. “That’s because half of it is missing.”

Censored. Continue reading

Crazy From the Heat

I somehow got away with spending my entire yesterday in a bikini.

I somehow got away with spending my entire past week like I was still in high school.

Monday night I went to spend time with my oldest friend. I saw clips from the movie he wrote and directed. It’s the biggest thing he’s ever done, and it’s good to see him so proud of something.

We looked at his baby pictures, watching him get older and older, going through sad phases, grumpy phases, one unfortunate tryst with a mullet.

I turned the page and smiled.

That’s the boy,” I said.

“Yeah, look how young I am.”

“I can’t believe we have known each other that long.”

“Look how good I look in this picture.”

“I know. That’s why I was a moron for you.” Continue reading

It's Not So Big

life in mini-texas

You know how sometimes you just have the strangest day that you wouldn’t believe if you saw it on a movie?

Yesterday Tyson showed up and told us that he had just run into a guy he knew from New York. He was on Sunset. He offered Tyson a job. It’s the same corner of Sunset where we ran into two friends from Austin just the night before. We were on our way to a bar and Eric spotted their car. We caught up over drinks on the porch that night, realizing the strange string of events that caused all of us to be on that corner at that very moment.

But it gets stranger.

Continue reading