Reasons You Would Have Found Me Crying Lately

1. I’m watching the Beyonce documentary.

2. It’s 3:30 in the morning and I’m on my third shirt because I’ll never not be covered in someone else’s body fluids ever again.

3. Decaf is bullshit.

4. It’s pretty outside and I am inside.

5. There’s this documentary about happiness but at one point there’s a segment on suicide in Japan and there’s a clip of all these Japanese mothers singing a song about their sons being gone and IT IS THE SADDEST THING IN THE WORLD.

5a. Technically, there are two things I can name that are sadder. Continue reading

more excuses

I’m glad Irwin’s giving some excuses as to why the very last thing I want to do right now is write a blog entry. It’s 12:30 in the morning and I’ve just finished writing something that’s due tomorrow. This is the first night in a week that I got home from work before midnight. I got home at 11:15. I’m crazy tired. Whacked-out tired. Tired like I just realized I originally typed this without Irwin’s online pseudonym and then wondered what would happen if I’d outed him and then I giggled because I still need to get him back somehow for capping on my hair last week.

Holy crap, it’s early, but we just left here and now we’re here again and do you know what we’re supposed to be writing right now?

You look good today, pamie.

[after a beat]

[Pamie runs to the bathroom and fixes her hair, which was messed up because it was cold and raining.]



[a few seconds later]

You look lovely today.

Would you do me a favor and tell Irwin what you just said?

[into phone] Why you busting on my girl?

Did pamie tell you that she only looks lovely because I told her to pull herself together?

[I know both parts of this conversation because these two are sitting ten feet away from each other.]

Did you see her when she came in?

Oh. Actually. Well. I don’t know if I should say anything, but my friends have this expression… “Rode hard and put away wet?”

I am through with all y’all.

And as Irwin mentioned, last Tuesday I thought it was Friday. Actually, just about every day this week I thought it was Friday. When you leave work on Monday when it’s actually Tuesday, it might as well be Friday. I woke up Tuesday at 5:30 (I’d gotten home at 12:30) for my 7am call thinking I was late. Full-on late-for-school-missed-a-test panic, walking down the hallway chanting, “No, my call is seven. My call is seven. My call is seven. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.”

So I’m sorry I’ve been away. It’s not you, it’s me. I’ve had a headache in my eye for three days. I’m gonna go try and get a couple of hours sleep.

[Note: This doesn’t mean if you’re my friend you get to stop calling or emailing, going, “Well, you seemed so busy.” I need you to call me, understand? Pretend I’m away at camp or school and this blog is the postcard I sent that says, “I’m having a great time. Please send pictures of home because I miss you.”]

i’m awesome.

Home alone on a Friday night. Two cats sleeping next to me. Gilmore Girls paused on TiVo. The episode aired January 10th. I’m a little behind in my television watching.

I am smelly. I got home from work at 7:45 and proceeded to eat the biggest cheeseburger I’ve had since I left Texas. Continue reading

Berkeley, Day One

During take-off yesterday, VH-1 distracted me with Grease. Funny, since I’d ripped the theme song earlier that morning.

I can only go so long without dancing and mouthing the words to the film, as it’s my favorite movie. I have tried to come up with something that sounds more like something you call your favorite movie, but this is the truth. I’ve watched this over and over since I was little. Nothing will ever beat it in my heart. This is my movie. There are others I appreciate, and others I love, but nothing will stop me still and have me like this one. anyway… Continue reading

babbling while the coffee’s brewing

Oh, so tired. I’m writing an entry because my last one had such a dirty word in it, twice, and whenever that’s at the top of the page I know that’s the day Mom settles down to catch up on some I don’t want to hear her tsking from three time zones away.

But man, I am tired. This morning I woke up with a feeling like I’d smoked a pack of cigarettes. Then I realized it’s that I haven’t been this tired from comedy since I lived in Austin, which is when I was covered in cigarettes at all times. So this isn’t the feeling of smoking too much, it’s the feeling of working very hard without enough sleep. Continue reading

Nap Time

i’m no good

Oh, I feel terrible today and it is completely my fault. Here’s the problem: I’m a horrible napper.

Eric can take a fifteen minute nap and he’s like completely ready for another evening. He’s good to go. He’s chipper and smells good and everything. If I try and nap I fall instantly into a coma and you cannot wake me for over an hour.

If you do, you face my wrath. I’m completely bitchy and I smell like drool. I don’t want to talk and I can’t finish sentences.

Continue reading

close your eyes

i can’t believe people have to look at me

Eric’s back is selling t-shirts.

Oh, man. I’m tired. Tired and sleepy and looking at the end of what has been a crazy three months. Can you believe this is the end of it? Tomorrow night and all three shows have come to a close. I was rehearsing seven days a week and now they’re all going to be gone. For how long? I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is I’m going to get to go home when I get off work sometimes. Sometimes I’ll get to sit on my couch and watch television. I’ll get to do all of this writing that I’ve been contracted to do. I’ll meet deadlines and such.

Until, of course, we start the next show. But I don’t have to think about that now.

Continue reading