Dan’s car. 10pm. Three hours from Vegas…
I’m currently sitting on the floor typing while another version of me is currently playing on the television beside me. I’m making copies of the Anne Heche show for someone, and I’ve spent the morning calling people while watching them perform monologues. It’s a strange meta thing to talk to someone while listening to them yell. It’s even worse to watch yourself while trying to write about yourself. I’d say it was narcissitic, but I don’t have the ego.
I generally don’t watch myself on television. I still have a copy of my episode Beat the Geeks that Michelle sent me that sits, unwatched. I find that once I see myself up there, see what I imagine other people see, I tend to get a little depressed. I don’t like my voice, my forehead, the way my hair looks tired. I don’t like the way I rush when I talk, how red my face gets when I’m excited, the way my shoulders hunch towards my neck. I don’t like the way I move, the way my chin looks when I laugh, the way I tend to tremble when I’m holding something as a prop.
The more I watch myself, the more self-conscious I get. Then I start talking myself out of what I’m doing, and the next time I’m up on stage, I can’t help but feel like I shouldn’t be there. I try not to watch myself at all anymore, as it makes me change what I’m doing, and takes some of the joy out of my work.
that’s the plan, anyway
Late update today. Sorry.
Kicking off Labor Day weekend a bit early, which is nice.
So, it’s been 104-106 around here every day, which is unacceptable, if you ask me. It causes me to shed.
with the amount of time i spent in the spa you wouldn’t think it was possible to be this sore
Best. Trip. Ever.
No, really, I had a great time. My mother said to me on our flight into Vegas, “Don’t you think it will be strange meeting a bunch of people that you only know from writing every day?”
And I thought, for a second, that it would be. And then I met everyone.
what happens when i’m tired and hungry.
I’m not saying this to worry you or make you think there’s something wrong with me. I’m just not hungry at all lately. I forget to eat all of the time, and when I do eat, I’m almost instantly full. I just don’t want any food right now. It’s making me tired, and I realize that I probably should go and pop a bag of popcorn or something just to have a little food in me, but the thought of the smell of popcorn is making my stomach twist.
longing to be amusement park trash
I was reading Love, Curiosity, Freckles and Doubt this morning and she was talking about roller coasters. I love roller coasters. I really do. I love amusement parks. I love everything about them. I love getting my scaredy-cat friends on roller coasters. Having moved around so much as a kid I’ve been to many different amusement parks.