ow.

[scripty]
PAMIE
Hellooooo?

JESSICA
Hi. Are you okay?

PAMIE
Yeah. Hi. Are you okay?

JESSICA
Well, no, but… You sound funny. Are you crying?

PAMIE
I’m… Okay, I’m eating this curry. And it’s seriously the hottest thing I’ve ever eaten in my life. After every five minutes I have to stop eating it because my face hurts and my lips start to swell and I’m drooling.

JESSICA
Heeeeeee. You know, you sound really upset. I was worried.

PAMIE
Because I’m crying. But this curry is so good! I’m not kidding; I put the bowl down and wait until I can feel my face again, and my skin is getting kinda blotchy, but after five minutes I crave it and I’ve forgotten all about the pain. Then I dig in, shovel four bites into my mouth and then: “Flames! Flames, on the side of my face…heaving!”

JESSICA
Ha!

PAMIE
So, I had just waited the five minutes for my next bite, but then I saw you were calling, and I thought it would be a real asshole thing not to answer the phone just because my curry was too hot, and I thought I’d be able to handle it, so I shoveled a bite and then answered the phone, so now my tongue is on fire and I’m drooling.

JESSICA
Yes, I hear both the drooling and the crying.

PAMIE
Jessica, I’ve been eating this curry for the past hour!

JESSICA
Oh, my God! That is hilarious!

PAMIE
And these are leftovers.

JESSICA
What?! Ha! Haaaaaaaaaaaaa.

PAMIE
I did this exact same thing to myself last night.

JESSICA
That’s ridiculous! Oh, I can’t breathe. That is exactly what I needed to hear. Because I have been in such a bad mood, but that is…you…well, you sound crazy.

PAMIE
My mouth hurts so much. Your turn. What’s wrong? What happened?

JESSICA
Well, I had this bag of chocolate chips I had been saving for myself, to either put in some cookies I’d make, or just eat them all by myself because I’m too lazy to make cookies, and I went to go eat them tonight, but someone had thrown them away, and I was irrationally angry about it and I just stormed out of the house. But like, they were my chips and– what is that sound? What are you doing?

PAMIE
[caught]
Hmm? Are you talking to me?

JESSICA
Yes! What are you doing?

PAMIE
… I… I was grabbing some chocolate chips out of the pantry.

JESSICA
OH MY GOD!

PAMIE
You made them sound really good! And I thought it might cut some of the burn.

JESSICA
You are…

PAMIE
Pathetic. I know.

JESSICA
You’re pathetic? I’m the one who’s mad about chocolate chips.

PAMIE
So mad you ran away from home.

JESSICA
No, I…. yes. I guess I did. I ran away from home.

PAMIE
I understand.

JESSICA
Did the chips help?

PAMIE
Kinda. Maybe because they had peanut butter in them.

JESSICA
Are you six?

PAMIE
Shut up. Ow. OWWWWWW!

JESSICA
Did you just have another bite?

PAMIE
I can’t stop eating this curry of pain!
[/scripty]

[db]

You know what else is hot? 1158 books and $11880. Check out Dewey’s page for the latest giveaways, or just to get a warm, fuzzy feeling from pictures of kids holding books.

[Note: warm, fuzzy feeling 100% less warm and fuzzy than Southern Style Curry from Jitlada, but still might make you cry.]

my television is freaking me out.

That’s Jessica’s brother!

He apparently worked with the people who make the iPhone commercials, and they liked the way his name looked, so they used it in their ad.

Or something like that. Jessica explained it, but I was distracted, feeling like the world is getting smaller and smaller.

I wish it were even smaller than it is, so Miss Kaman wasn’t so far away these days.

Pottery Barn

Here’s how long the new Harry Potter movie is:

  • Long enough for me to think I saw Diane Keaton and create a story in my head where the woman she was talking to that looked sort of like Diane Keaton had to have been Diane Keaton’s sister, and I imagined they took their kids to movies on Saturday afternoons all the time.
  • Lone enough for me to then crane my neck around to see where the Keaton family likes to sit when they watch movies, prompting Jessica to ask, “You really have no shame, do you?” Which caused me to respond, “You should have seen me when I sat behind Winona Ryder during The Good Girl.” Which prompted her to say, “I did. Because I was there.” After I did the fumbling, “I know,” and sat in the appropriate silent shame corner, the only thing I could come up with was, “We’ve seen a lot of movies together.” She scoffed and I began polishing the shoe I had so recently jammed into my mouth.
  • Long enough for me to run into “Diane Keaton” later in the aisle. Not Diane Keaton.
  • Long enough for me to crane my neck around to show my friend Fake Diane Keaton. “Just stop,” Jessica said to me.
  • Long enough for one person’s cell phone to go off. Twice. I’m sure it’s the same person, as it was one of those really annoying seven-minute song rings where they let the song play on and on because they’re really proud that they downloaded “Mexican Radio” or whatever.
  • Long enough for the cell phone offender to get into a verbal spar with another theater patron. “Why don’t you just go the hell home!” she shouted in a dark room full of children.
  • Long enough for the man next to me to laugh seconds after every time I laughed, making my poor paranoid brain think that the man was laughing at me and not with me.
  • Long enough for me to think, “He just found the book? There’s so much movie left. Oh, my God.”
  • Long enough for me to marvel at the bladder control skills of the kids in the audience.
  • Long enough for me to like Kenneth Branaughagugh for the first time ever.
  • Long enough for the man next to me to gallantly retrieve my water bottle when I dropped it and it rolled between his feet. He practically got down on one knee to give it back to me (it’s possible at this theater — the spaces between the rows are really big because they shoot movies in there sometimes (True Romance)).
  • Long enough for me to think, “That third movie better come in two installments.”
  • Long enough for a different crowd on the other side of the room to get so rowdy that they want us to clap as an audience for the end of every scene. There was a strange smattering of applause for every one of those long shots where someone’s staring at nothing (which happens all the time in this movie. It takes forever for these people to process information).
  • Long enough that I had questions about the last scene of the film, because there was still stuff they had to remove from the book.

As I’m asking Jessica about some particular thing, the man next to me said, “Please!” So, I think he’s trying to answer my question, or make some kind of small talk banter, so I turn to him and ask, “What?”

And he says, “This was really nice. Can I go out with you again sometime?” So I think he’s making a joke about the length of the film, that it was so long it was like we dated. So I laugh, which I think is the appropriate response. “Please?” he asks again.

“What’s going on?” Jessica asks.

“Can I see you again sometime?” he asks me. I stare at Jessica. I don’t know what to say. “It’s time for us to go,” Jessica says.

He held out his hand. “Nice meeting you,” he says. “Good-bye!”

He walked off. “What the hell?” Jessica asked. “Did I interrupt something?”

“I think the movie was so long that I started dating someone.”

“And I think you broke up!”

“That’s one long movie.”

“I wish that cell phone fight had broken out. That would have been awesome.”

books and cats (cliched journaling entry #325)

It’s been rather monotonous here. I’m writing, I’m reading, I’m working. Doesn’t make for much of a journal entry, but I don’t want you to think that I’ve forgotten you.

So, I figured to appease you and to clear my conscience, I’ll just blah-blah on about how droll things are, and whenever you’re about to fall asleep, I’ll flash a cute cat picture. I could even talk about my referral list, if we really run out of stuff to talk about and I want to become a complete cliche.

Let’s see. I’ve been reading. I mentioned that. I finished Lullaby, which wasn’t as scary as I thought it was going to be, but just the right amount of disturbing that I love about Chuck Palahniuk.

I do this… thing… where some of us…. read a play… or see an old movie… or we go see performance… wine… cheese… discussion…

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