I love my team of old lady skaters.

Here’s the promo for my upcoming Baby Doll Brawl (this Sunday!!). Fun fact: during “and fight their way…” that’s me and my Meteorfight teammate Risky a Go-Go taking out two opposing team members, including their jammer, using her arm and my ass. (And then a few seconds later you can see me fling myself onto the rail in order to avoid a pile-up, where I hang there (but also knock over an opposing team member! yeah? anybody? … okay, fine.)

At the orientation meeting we were told this will be the sixth Baby Doll Brawl in the history of the LA Derby Dolls. This is when Helen Surly Frown turned to me and groaned, “Oh, Holla. You know what that means? We’ve skated in half of them. HALF! We are the oldest Fresh Meat of all time. Rancid, gross, smelly, old meat.”

Come watch the creakiest, hurtingest, oldest rookie skaters take on the newbiest of the noobs when Hell’s Belles defeat the Ice Vixens this Sunday at the Doll Factory. Tickets on sale now. If you’re too far away, you can still support your LA derby girl by watching the live feed.

Called Out (or: soup and Vicodin for breakfast)

I am hurting. Hurting, people. My body is bruised and contused. I am kind of a hot mess, and I think I have about ten minutes before this Vicodin kicks in proper, so let me try and get these stories out. Our little rookie game needs ticket sales. It’s a cheap game, it’s all ages, it’s on a Saturday afternoon, and it’s way more fun if you are there.

Please buy tickets to the Baby Doll Brawl. Send your friends, grab a group, make an afternoon of it. Something. Because there’s been a tremendous amount of blood, sweat and tears (no really, all three) put into this bout. Ticket sales pay our rent. We skate for you and we can’t skate without you. And thanks for those of you who have been supporting us all this time, coming to our games or buying merchandise.

So, three quick stories.

I’ve learned that while I normally bruise extremely easily, my face seems to be the exception. I’ve taken a few accidental blows to the head over the past couple of weeks — an elbow to the temple, and elbow to the other temple (same girl, one week later, opposite elbow), a skate to the chin, a shoulder to the cheek, a full-on forehead-to-forehead smack that seemed straight out of a deleted scene from Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and lastly… oh, man. Continue reading

Tales From Fresh Meat: the time I almost died in Historic Filipinotown.

This is a reprint of an essay I sent to the Derby Dolls and Fresh Meat mailing lists back in early August. Back then, Helen Surly Frown didn’t have her awesome Derby name, so I’m putting it in here to protect the innocent. Allison? Well, she’s just stuck being outed with me.

Razorslut posted many weeks ago about the Historic Filipinotown 5K, saying she got clearance to skate it, and that it would be fun. She encouraged everybody to sign up. So three of us: Freshies Allison, Surly and myself, did. And then it turns out everybody else in the world went to RollerCon. We figured certainly someone else would be there. Some other Freshie, perhaps. No. Just us. Representing all y’all.

[ETA: Both the registration and the start/finish line were at the Doll Factory, the warehouse where the Derby Dolls reside. The Derby Dolls take an active role in the community through several service organizations. A couple of weeks earlier we were on this same corner in the early morning hours to help participate in the Mayor’s Day of Service. – p] Continue reading