High Class Problems

It’s late, but I’ve got The Insomnia, so here I am, writing another entry. Will the wine work, or will the writing work? One of these things should get me sleepy. I’ve got work in the morning.

Um. So.

I ran into my friend Alex at the store last night. We went to college in Austin together, and he is now my neighbor, living just across the major street in our neighborhood. I think that’s the coolest thing. I get home late from work and run to the store, and who’s in line? Alex. It really made it feel like Eagle Rock is becoming an actual neighborhood, and not this place far away off The 2, where nobody ventures out unless they want to visit me or get some of the best Mexican food in Los Angeles. Continue reading

Crazy From the Heat

I somehow got away with spending my entire yesterday in a bikini.

I somehow got away with spending my entire past week like I was still in high school.

Monday night I went to spend time with my oldest friend. I saw clips from the movie he wrote and directed. It’s the biggest thing he’s ever done, and it’s good to see him so proud of something.

We looked at his baby pictures, watching him get older and older, going through sad phases, grumpy phases, one unfortunate tryst with a mullet.

I turned the page and smiled.

That’s the boy,” I said.

“Yeah, look how young I am.”

“I can’t believe we have known each other that long.”

“Look how good I look in this picture.”

“I know. That’s why I was a moron for you.” Continue reading

A Glamorous Hollywood Lifestyle

1. You will not be home before eleven.
2. This is because you are at work.
3. When you wake up, it is because you have work to do before you get to work, because there’s so much work you can’t do while you’re at work.
4. Suffer the constant teasing that you’re leaving one show for another. Feel like you’re changing schools again, just like when you were a kid. You’re leaving all of your friends and sure that everyone at the new school will hate you and will never be as cool as the friends you have now. Continue reading


Lately, people have made a point to let me know their wishes in the event of their untimely death (or persistent vegetative state). But if any of you are hoping to be shot out of a peyote button clenched in the palm of a 53-foot high Gonzo fist, you should probably let me know now so I can start saving up. If it means I work shoulder-to-shoulder with Johnny Depp in order to carry out your memorial service to your specifications, I’m willing to make that sacrifice. Continue reading

Big To-Do

So the holes in my yard aren’t caused by skunks. We’ve been spraying for grubs, sprinkling hot pepper and keeping motion detector lights on, and while I haven’t seen any more skunks skulking around, the holes didn’t cease.

Then last week, when I was planting some tulip bulbs in the name of M. Tiny, I found a most interesting discovery: peanut shells. Lots of them. Empty peanut shells dug into the dirt, around the flowers, lying on the lawn. My first thought was, “Wow. That’s a weird thing to use as mulch.” But I also found a seashell buried in there, so I didn’t question it. Continue reading


check out my excitement!

I have always thought you plant and garden people were a little strange.

I never understood the fascination with growing things in your own house. My mother would often bring in potted plants and position them in areas of the house. I believe we called them her “victims.” Each time one would come in we’d begin humming “Taps.” My mother would coo and water and talk to these things trying to get them to stay alive, but our house was the place plants went to die.

Continue reading