It isn’t that I’m trying to ignore pamie.com. I am in front of my computer every single day, but between the twitter account and the photography deadline, I feel like my life gets updated. I’m working on edits for the new novel, I’m developing a half-hour with a studio (read: Yo, I got a job!), and going on meetings that range from wildly successful (see: earlier where I got a job), to not too terribly successful at all —
It’s the head tilt that kills me. When they shake your hand with their right ears to their shoulders, going, “It was so nice to see you again.” That’s it. That’s the “no.” But you actually have to wait a day or two for your agent to call to give you the official “no” that you already knew when they were like, “Hey, thanks for putting on clothes and talking for twenty minutes straight about a show we don’t want to buy. We know it’s way easier to stay home in your pajamas.”
–Then there’s roller derby and travel and the fact that I have hundreds and hundreds of words I have to write, so this space doesn’t feel like a very productive use of my time.
And, to be honest, the things I’d want to write here, the stuff that makes me enjoy writing pamie.com falls under two categories:
1. Things I’m not allowed to write about here, or at the very least I’m smart enough now to know that I shouldn’t, and
2. Stuff I want to write about but I haven’t had the time to sit down in order to write it properly.
3. I seem to be unable to write a sentence these days without having a kind of mental breakdown that involves massive use of the delete key, several cups of coffee, much rubbing of the eyes and verbal rants to invisible people, wondering why words don’t seem to make sense anymore. Sometimes I go to write one word, and a completely different one ends up in front of me on the screen. Like, three days ago I typed the word “sceene” when I meant “seen.” It took fifteen seconds of staring at the “screeene” to figure out what I had done wrong.
This cannot be a good sign.
So this place ends up being roller derby announcements and videos I saw and books I’m reading and is kind of a sad, sad space. I’m sorry. I really am, because I care very much about pamie.com. Eleven years is a long time to have this site. I just have to figure out what I’m going to do with it next.