Dear Child That I Don’t Have, But Might Have Someday,
I feel I owe you an apology.
You see, yesterday afternoon I got a clear vision of your future, and… I’m sorry to say, it doesn’t look pretty.
Oh, it’s all innocent enough, but I got a glimpse of what it’ll be like for you when you one day come home for the holidays to visit your old parents, and I saw your point of view from the back of the car.
Your mother (that’s me) had a pile of un-stamped Christmas cards in her lap, and she was wondering out loud if it would be best to go to Ralphs to buy stamps or if it was just a better idea to go to the post office, because that’s where you can get pretty stamps. Yes, it was just as boring as it sounds now, and if you didn’t fall asleep just reading that paragraph that shows you’ve got some of my genes.