The Knee

I have to write about my knee. I have this list of things next to me that I want to write, some that I actually have to write, but I don’t think I’m going to be able to write about anything until I write about my knee.

My left knee. It’s on my mind all the time, because it’s currently not working. By that I mean I can’t bend it. I injured it at the bout a week and a half ago, and I’d hoped that by now I’d be back to running, jumping, squatting, kicking, hopping, and skating. But no. Continue reading

Almost Wrapped…

Last day of work here at the sitcom. My desk is cleaned off, the final script is sitting next to me, and I’m watching my calendar fill up. But don’t cry — you’re totally invited!

Sunday, March 28th (That’s SO SOON): LA Derby Dolls Exhibition Bout: Baby Doll Brawl

On Sunday, March 28, the L.A. Derby Dolls will feature up-and-coming skaters in 2010’s first BABY DOLL BRAWL, open to all ages at the Doll Factory (1910 W. Temple Street 90026). Bring your family for a full-length bout featuring L.A. Derby Dolls’ newest skaters and future stars. The teams are Rotten Candy (PINK) v. Black Diamonds (BLACK). Halftime entertainment will be the L.A. Junior Derby Dolls, the first banked track junior derby league for girls ages 8-17 in SoCal.

Baby Doll Brawl general admission tickets are $10 and VIP tickets are $20; for children under 10 general admission is free and VIP is $5. Buy tickets online here.

Wear black to support my team, Black Diamonds. Sulfuric Astrid and I are going for our fourth straight Baby Doll Brawl victory, or as we like to call it: THE FOURPOCALYPSE.

moving up

Whenever someone from my non-derby life starts to ask me questions about my derby life, I inevitably immediately disappoint them.

Quick aside: I feel the need to explain that once you join roller derby your life splits right in two. You have the life you know, the one with your friends and family and loved ones, and then there’s this other life that your friends and family and loved ones are completely baffled by. One where you have a second set of friends and family and loved ones, but these people all spend time physically harming each other. You spend an extraordinary amount of time with these people, and sometimes you never learn their real names. But that’s not what I’m talking about here. Continue reading

I love my team of old lady skaters.

Here’s the promo for my upcoming Baby Doll Brawl (this Sunday!!). Fun fact: during “and fight their way…” that’s me and my Meteorfight teammate Risky a Go-Go taking out two opposing team members, including their jammer, using her arm and my ass. (And then a few seconds later you can see me fling myself onto the rail in order to avoid a pile-up, where I hang there (but also knock over an opposing team member! yeah? anybody? … okay, fine.)

At the orientation meeting we were told this will be the sixth Baby Doll Brawl in the history of the LA Derby Dolls. This is when Helen Surly Frown turned to me and groaned, “Oh, Holla. You know what that means? We’ve skated in half of them. HALF! We are the oldest Fresh Meat of all time. Rancid, gross, smelly, old meat.”

Come watch the creakiest, hurtingest, oldest rookie skaters take on the newbiest of the noobs when Hell’s Belles defeat the Ice Vixens this Sunday at the Doll Factory. Tickets on sale now. If you’re too far away, you can still support your LA derby girl by watching the live feed.

Skate, Skate, Skate

It’s that time again. I’m skating in another bout. This time I’m co-captain of my team. It has tapped into all of my dormant director skills and –unpredictably– has resulted in me jonesing to get back on stage. It has also resulted in me giving some long-winded, overly-emotional locker room speeches about teamwork and dedication. No, it really has. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I think my dad made me watch Hoosiers too many times growing up. Continue reading

Go, Meteorfights!

“Yikes, Holla. That’s a bruise.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Have you taken a picture of it yet?”


“You need to. And put it on the Internet and tell people to come to the bout.”


Right now I’m staring at my uniform which is hanging from the doorway to my kitchen. My gear is by my side, brand new helmet already scratched in the places where it saved me from harm. And I’m stoked. Continue reading

oh, wait. one more.

My manager came up to me late in practice last night and said, “Heard you went flying off the track. What happened?” I told her and she said, “As long as you weren’t the one getting hit.”

“No, ma’am,” I said. “I was doing the hitting.”

She beamed, and walked off saying, “That’s my girl.”

(Recessionists! Funemployed! Here’s a place to win tickets for the game. Bonus fun for those of you who like coming up with Derby names but don’t plan on ever strapping on a pair of skates.)

Called Out (or: soup and Vicodin for breakfast)

I am hurting. Hurting, people. My body is bruised and contused. I am kind of a hot mess, and I think I have about ten minutes before this Vicodin kicks in proper, so let me try and get these stories out. Our little rookie game needs ticket sales. It’s a cheap game, it’s all ages, it’s on a Saturday afternoon, and it’s way more fun if you are there.

Please buy tickets to the Baby Doll Brawl. Send your friends, grab a group, make an afternoon of it. Something. Because there’s been a tremendous amount of blood, sweat and tears (no really, all three) put into this bout. Ticket sales pay our rent. We skate for you and we can’t skate without you. And thanks for those of you who have been supporting us all this time, coming to our games or buying merchandise.

So, three quick stories.

I’ve learned that while I normally bruise extremely easily, my face seems to be the exception. I’ve taken a few accidental blows to the head over the past couple of weeks — an elbow to the temple, and elbow to the other temple (same girl, one week later, opposite elbow), a skate to the chin, a shoulder to the cheek, a full-on forehead-to-forehead smack that seemed straight out of a deleted scene from Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and lastly… oh, man. Continue reading

Oh, it’s on, bitches.

The Los Angeles Derby Dolls’ newest skaters take to the track on June 27th in this year’s Baby Doll Brawl.

You’ve got to be a Baby Doll before you can skate with the big girls. So here’s your chance to check out the up-and-coming skaters before they join the ranks of your favorite derby superstars.

Without a doubt, the WILDEST day of skating on the Derby Doll calendar.

This is a very special ALL AGES LADD event at 3pm.

1910 W. Temple Street
Los Angeles

Tickets are going fast, get yours online NOW at