dear texas. please send breakfast tacos from taco cabana.

Lately she’s written about gumbo, queso and crawfish, making me the Homesick Texan.

Spending time with Dave and Tara this week, our conversation turned once again to our plans to Eat Through Austin — a tour we consumed back in 2004 when Omar got married. That’s the last time I’ve been to Austin, and I hear it’s gone through some changes since then.

I know my Eat Through Austin pangs are bad when I’m craving Texadelphia or a sandwich from Thundercloud. That’s not just “Wow, I wish I could eat Salt Lick today” normal Austin nostalgia. I’m craving a sandwich on Oltorf. That’s got to be more about the feeling of being in Austin on a nice day, picking up a couple of sandwiches to take down by the lake, having the laziest of Sundays.

Is it too much to ask for one real Tex-Mex joint in Los Angeles? It seems every other person around here is from Texas. Why can’t we all get together and demand some decent migas?

Dammit, now I’m going to end up making homemade migas and queso and guacamole and buy some Shiner and find myself immobile on the couch stuffed with deliciousness and pain, weeping guilty tears from trying to create a gastric time machine. All because it’s a billion degrees outside and I can’t get to Trudy’s from here.

paging austin: please send food.

“You can, apparently, rent laptop computers at the Austin airport. And they have airport Salt Lick and Amy’s Ice Cream. In case you need that one last little taste before you go back to wherever. I already had my Salt Lick. We’ve got another couple of hours until our flight, which is more than enough time to shove in some Mexican Vanilla from Amy’s and maybe a brisket sandwich. One more Shiner. I’m not actually hungry, though, since I’m still working on that Freebird’s from last night. And the pepperoni rolls from Double Dave’s. I had both for dinner. Yes. Both. A king among peasants.” — Christastrophe

I was just talking about Double Dave’s pepperoni rolls last night. And on a night like this, some Salt Lick would be perfect. With a Shiner. Austin gives me food nostalgia. Continue reading

AAA Plus + P = -($$$$)

About six months ago I was in the parking garage of Hollywood and Highland with stee as we passed a woman who appeared to be pleading to a couple who were listening with empathy. A few minutes later, that same woman approached us. She was cautious, hanging back for a second, like she wanted to know if we were normal.

“Excuse me,” she said, head shaking and hands trembling. She was in a brown business suit, brown hat, and carried a purse and a plastic bag that seemed to hold a bottle of water. “I’m a nice, old black lady. I’m not crazy. But do either of you have Triple A Plus?” Continue reading

It’s Still Too Soon To Tell This Story

Driving home tonight, I thought about Mardi Gras in Austin, and how it’s been a while since I’ve celebrated Fat Tuesday. In the South, there are days leading up to it with anticipation — the food, the beads, the planned parties. There was a time when New Orleans made it illegal to go topless (is that still the case?). But Austin, in its wonderful weirdness, legally allows people to roam shirtless.


Mardi Gras, 2000, was a particularly difficult month for me. I wrote very little about the bad things that were happening, but basically I went to Aspen, got back and my world, as I knew it, changed. It caused me to do things I wouldn’t normally do, like impulsively buy concert tickets for a show on the other side of the country, decide it was time to move to Los Angeles, or get drunk at Mardi Gras and party on a roof.

Continue reading

Guns N’ Roses: G N R Lies

Song: “Patience

I have blown my voice out a number of times singing this song at the top of my lungs. It was in a sketch we did for about a year, where I was pleading through song to stop a break-up in the front seat of a car. It was the only sketch I wrote that my troupe did for a length of time.

Continue reading

aw, go ‘ohwn.

I had a meeting yesterday in the office across from the office where I had my very first feature general meeting, almost four years ago.

About thirty seconds into our conversation — and I never do this — I asked the woman I’d just met, “Are you from Texas or Louisiana?”

She stopped for a second, startled. “Both.”

I’m not a Henry Higgins by any stretch of the imagination, but I think all the trips I took last month made me nostalgic for all of the different accents in my life. Continue reading


Woke up to find out I’m a finalist for a Bloggie, for the Lifetime Achievement award. Thanks to those of you who nominated me. It is an honor to be nominated, because with such esteemed company there’s no way in hell I’m winning this thing. But it’s always nice to be flattered first thing in the morning. Continue reading