day ten.

Some mornings, when I’m holding my sign and walking in a circle, I realize this is the second time I’ve lost my job because of the Internet. And if you count the giant day of the dot com bust where my 401K was smashed to pennies, I find that while I only have so much control over my career and my destiny, the Internet seems to be what really drives almost all the major decisions in my life. It’s very strange.

Oh, that’s not a flattering picture of my face. But I wanted to talk about Andy.

This is Andy Gordon. He’s very funny. He’s one of the sweetest, funniest guys I’ve ever been lucky enough to work with. He’s a prankster and he’s kind. Everybody loves Andy. But because he has such respect for writers, he’s also not interested in coddling. Therefore, Andy Gordon is the person who taught me what a “clam” is. He taught me by pointing out that I’d written one in my first script that was to be produced for television. He pointed it out by shouting it to everyone in the room.

You see, a clam is not a good thing. Continue reading

The Room

The Writers Room is empty.

I’m used to this certain sound when I sneak back here to check my cell phone or see if someone emailed — this sound of laughter bouncing down the hallway from the other end of the building, calling me back, letting me know that I just missed out on something funny. That sound isn’t going to happen again, and I hate that. Continue reading

11/11: Make a Wish

Hmm… I think this episode might air a week later than this site thinks. I’ll keep you posted.

The point is:

My name will be on my TiVo…next to the word “Oprah.” It’s like every word I’ve ever written was all leading to this one moment. It’s very exciting.

Gayle is very nice and tall and pretty. This is the clip of conversation I thought you’d appreciate.

Love the “vagina” joke. Oprah and I were laughing about that.

Thank you so much for doing the show.

I made Oprah laugh.

Look at Pam’s face. I wish I had a camera.

Wow. Oprah really does make your wildest dreams come true.