Ever since I lived in Austin, where my friends really don’t like to go thirty full minutes without gambling on something, the Oscars have turned into a betting game. We vote for every aired award, adding two tie-breakers (number of minutes of broadcast and most inappropriate speech (last year was “most pretentous”, and it caused a Michael Moore-worthy fight)), and ante up two dollars.

There was nothing better last year than fifteen people screeching “Chubb Chubbs!”

It really evens the playing field because you can’t guess the short film animation or know dick about sound mixing versus sound editing. Soon you’re hearing questions like this:

“Hey, which of these foreign films sounds the most Holocaust-y?”

Last night I figured my Chubb Chubb logic couldn’t go wrong with “Nibbles,” the cutest-sounding animated feature. The look on my face when they showed that Cure-video-looking, scribbled-flip-book, love-doodle was apparently priceless. But the best was the montage for Foreign Short film, when they showed the clip for Two Soldiers, and everyone who went with the German-sounding Die Rote Jacke realized they had just lost two dollars. As they screamed in confused rage, others shouted “It says ‘Soldiers’ right in the title? How did you not vote for it?”

I always lose at our Oscar pool. I vote too much with my heart. “You guys?” I asked at one point last night. “Are you saying I’m the only one who voted for House of Sand and Fog for Best Score? Nobody’s with me?” I claim that it’s because I love movies so much I can’t bear to just let one movie win everything. It seems so unfair. I always lose my two bucks.

stee, however, cleaned up last night, after a close call with my friend Michael who picked Tim Robbins for most inappropriate speech. Stee’s vote was “Whoever wins Best Documentary.” stee won.

Continuing my losing streak, supporting my boyfriend, as well as Howard Stern, has taken away my precious 103.1, since Clear Channel is run by censorship-loving assholes. No more “indie” radio for me. I’m now listening to some internet radio.

In completely unrelated news, I have a show going up in two weeks. It’s one night only. It’s free. It’s something I wrote with my friend Liz. Info is here.

Next entry: My coffee shop boyfriends. No time today, people. Sorry.