Being Catty

and I turn into Sally Struthers

I have an experiment for you.  Would you click this button?

It will give two cents to Squishy’s monthly bill. I recently noticed that I am almost at my limit on this page. Yesterday there were over 100,000 page views on this site, and it is pushing my monthly bill to its limit. With your two cents, I can continue to afford to have this page run every day. This little graphic is also at the bottom of the main entry page, so if you think about it in the future, clicking it would be a good thing. I might start adding it to the bottom of the entries. If you liked what you read that day, you can click the button.

Sort of like tipping the monkey for a good job. Good little monkey, no?

On to the funny stuff:

Yesterday

(a quick play for two cats and two people)

[scripty]
TAYLOR
Ah.  Relaxation.  Everyone is gone, yes?  Yes.  I can stretch out here on zee futon and I vill have a nice little nappy while I zone out on some quality programming.

CAL
I found something!  I found something!  Look!  Look!

TAYLOR
Yes, Cal, zat iz a lovely cap to a water bottle.  Congratulations.  You are a regular Ponce De Leon, my good friend.

CAL
Pounce!  Pounce!  Pounce!

TAYLOR
No.  Ah said Ponce.  He was a

What the fuck is this?

CAL
WHERE?  WHERE?  WHERE?  WHERE?

TAYLOR
On the Big Window.  I do not see Katie Couric.

CAL
Hit her!  Hit her!  Hit her!

TAYLOR
I cannot!  She iz not there?  Oh, no.  I am to be very, very upset soon.

CAL
I had to poop so I did and now Im back!

TAYLOR
Mon dieu!  Eric has screwed everything up

CAL
WHAT?

TAYLOR
Please no in my ear.  Not in my pretty ear, Cal.  Look.  Eric left after Pamie today, no?

CAL
Tall Mew sleep in!   Short Mew left on time!

TAYLOR
Where were you during Viva la Evolution?  Why are you like zis?

CAL
I can stretch big!  Watch!  Woop!

TAYLOR
Are you okay?  That looked like you took a nasty bump to zee head.

CAL
What head?

TAYLOR
Bon.  Now.   I was saying that Eric has screwed everything up by leaving it on his Noisy Channel when he left.

CAL
NOISE!  NOISE!  NOISE!

TAYLOR
Cal.  Beavis impersonations are so 1994.  I am trying to have a serious discussion with you.  Please?

Now, Pamie usually leaves the television on for me all day to lounge around and peruse while I wait for her to go out there and find more food.  Today Eric has screwed all of that up by leaving it on zis eee esss peee ennn.  Zat doesnt sound French.  Ehn Bee Zee!  Now that has the flavor of my country.  Regis.  Cathé Le.

Oh NO!  MON DIEU!  Zis means I vill miss Oprah!  No Oprah!  No no no no no zees is so very very bad.  Very, very bad.  I must figure out zees phone thing.  It just keeps ringing all of zee time.  Maybe when it rings again I can shout loud enough for the ringing to send some help, no?

CAL
I ate all of the paper towels.

TAYLOR
You may think that zis is not important now, my empty sack of fur, but you seem to forget what you do every day at one, mon non-petit chou.

CAL
HAVE YOU SEEN MY FUZZY MOUSE?

TAYLOR
Cal you are going to miss your Jerry Springer.

CAL
Huh?

TAYLOR
Jerry Springer?  Jerry?  Jerry?

CAL
JER-REE!  JER-REE!  JER-REE!

TAYLOR
Ah, yes.

CAL
Jerry NOW!  Jerry NOW!

TAYLOR
No, no, young Cal.  There will be no Jerry today.  I am very sorry.

CAL
JER-REE!  JER-REE!  JER-REE!

TAYLOR
As much as Id love to continue this tender re-enactment of Rainman, I am going to try and change the channel back so I do not miss Mademoiselle Winfrey.

CAL
No, you da bitch!  You triflin!

TAYLOR
Mon dieu!  MEH!  My head!  Ow!  MEEAAAL;Rherrrrrrweefverreeeeee!

CAL
Murr murr mii mii MIII!

TAYLOR
HIIIiiiii!  Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiih!   Mihrrrrrrmmmmmmmmm.   Miimmimimimimimmmmmmm!  MIIIIIIMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

CAL
Murr murr mii mii miiIIII!

TAYLOR
I will swat your head again.

CAL
Whats again mean?

TAYLOR
Take that!  And that!  There!  Theretheretheretheretheretheretherethere and there!

CAL
Hey.

TAYLOR
Oh!  So sorry.  You cannot reach me here under zee chair.  You cannot figure out four small barriers.  Too complex for you.  So sad.

(eight hours later)

PAMIE
Hi, guys!

TAYLOR
MEEEE!  MIE MO Hes trying to kill me.  MEE!

PAMIE
Hello, Taylor.  Well, hello!  Helllloooooo!  Helllooooo, Taylor!

CAL
Im having the best fun!  MEE! Murr.

PAMIE
Oh, and my little singing Stinkybutt!  How are you?  How are you?  How are you?  Yesssss.

TAYLOR
Im sort of having fun, but dont tell him.  Its just zee look on his face iz priceless when I smack him.  Watch me hit him right on top of zee head.  Itz very, very funny.

PAMIE
Taylor!  Why are you hitting Cal?  Thats not nice!

TAYLOR
Ah just you why I waz hitting him.  What iz your problem, eh?

ERIC
Hey, baby.  Whats up?

PAMIE
The cats are going crazy!  They keep running in circles and hitting each other.

ERIC
Oh yeah?

PAMIE
Why do you look guilty?

ERIC
I guess I shouldnt leave it on ESPN while were not home, huh?

PAMIE
You turned it off NBC?  Taylor didnt get to watch Oprah!  Oh, no.  Look at them!

TAYLOR
I can jump in zee tub and then out of zee tub!

CAL
I can almost carry litter in my paws from one bathroom to the other!

TAYLOR
You got fur in my Iams!

CAL
You got Iams in my fur!

TAYLOR
I bite your foot!

CAL
I bite your butt!

PAMIE
Thats it.  Its Lifetime the whole day tomorrow, and I dont want to hear any complaining.  Some Meredith Baxter will calm your asses down.

TAYLOR
Wah-wah-wa-waaaaaah!

Fin
[/scripty]

Leave a Reply