concept piece

why we’re brilliant

Eric has come up with a new pill that you can take to get you out of uncomfortable situations with your significant other.   The concept of the pill is that as soon as you say something that you shouldn’t have, or you dig yourself in a hole, your body instantly shuts itself down and puts you to sleep:

[scripty]
BOY
You’ve lost weight.

GIRL
Yeah.  I guess so.

BOY
No, you really look good.

GIRL
Yeah?

BOY
Yeah.

GIRL
I guess I’ve lost weight.  You think I look good?

BOY
Yeah, really good.

GIRL
Better?

BOY
Much better.

GIRL
Much?

BOY
Quite a bit better.

GIRL
But you thought I looked good before, right?

BOY
I.. well… see….zzzzzzzzzz

(or)

GIRL
This is fun.  Going swimming.

BOY
Yeah.  I’m excited about swimming.

GIRL
I hope the pool isn’t crowded.

BOY
Yeah, remember the last time we were there and there was that girl who was wearing hardly anything at all sunbathing and her two girlfriends were all giggling and teasing her?

GIRL
(arching eyebrow)
At our pool?

BOY
Yeah, remember you could see her whole ass and the other girls were like, “We see your ass.”

GIRL
I vaguely remember.

BOY
Yeah.  It was a nice ass, too.

GIRL
Was it.

BOY
Yeah.  I mean, you know, it’s okay if I notice those things, right?

GIRL
Notice?  It seems like it’s forever etched into your memory.

BOY
Well.. I… see….zzzzzzzzzzz

GIRL
You’d better be talking in your sleep.

Right now this pill is for men, but I’m hoping to extend it to the opposite sex soon:

GIRL
Weren’t we watching the Simpsons?

BOY
Yeah, I just want to check the score over here.

GIRL
WAIT!  WAIT!  WAIT!

BOY
What’s wrong?

GIRL
It’s that Docker’s commercial.

BOY
Where?

GIRL
Channel 47.  There’s the…

BOY
The one where the girl keeps dunking the boy?

GIRL
The shirtless boy….oh yeah… don’t miss!  Yes!  She hit the bullseye again.  That’s my girl.  Give her another five dollars!  Yeah, baby, yeah!

BOY
You like this commercial, huh?

GIRL
Well, look at him!  He’s perfect!

BOY
Perfect?

GIRL
He’s… well… you….see…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

BOY
That’s what I thought.
[/scripty]

And this is how we will make millions.

(warning:  actors, theatre majors and english major humor ahead…)

The other thing that Eric and I were working on this weekend was a new Las Vegas Casino based of Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night.  It’s called Orsino’s Casino.  But you have to say it like you just got back from the Renaissance Festival.  Orsino’s Casino! The exclamation point is not optional.  Basically we work on the commercial for it.

“Come, be whisked away to luxury.  Enjoy all-you-can-eat in our dazzling 24 hour buffet— Feste’s Feast. Or eat in our Five Star Restaurant, Sir Toby’s Belch.   You’ll swoon to the sounds of Viola’s Violins, and be sent to a heavenly place in Sebastian’s Spa where you may even say to yourself, ‘What country, friends, is this?’

‘This is Illyria, lady.’

If music be the food of love, play on our five hundred poker, black jack and craps tables.  Laugh until you cry to the Orisino’s Casino comedy troupe:  Antonio’s Antickz.  And don’t leave this fabulous vacation without a souvenir at Curio’s Curios.

Orsino’s Casino.  You’ll come for two nights, but you’ll stay for twelve.”

MTV has restored my faith in its programming.  If you did not catch the 25 Lamest Videos, you must try and see it in its non-stop reruns.  So funny.  I will not ruin it for you, but it was a great treat to my Saturday morning.  I really don’t think they are actually going to stop airing those videos, but who knows.  I can’t believe “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” wasn’t in the running.  What a piece of crap video.  “Touring is hard.  Touring when you’re zonked on every drug known to man is even harder.”

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