that’s it

i give up on cooking and boring movies forever

You may have noticed that I haven’t written on the weekend for the past two weeks. It’s not that I’m ignoring the page… I’ve just been kinda busy on the weekend, and so happy when I had a few spare moments I wasn’t thinking about getting on the computer. I’m trying to not make it a habit, but if it happens, you understand.

Oh, and by the way, I’m never cooking again.

Last night I made chicken. Well, last night I tried to make chicken wings. I had taken the wings out of the freezer a few days ago to make, and I noticed Eric’s hesitancy. I realize that he doesn’t like my wings, which is odd, because most people do. I had burned them the last time I tried to make them, though, and I think it spoiled Eric’s memory of them. So I promised that I’d do a better job this time and to give them another chance.

I pulled the meat out of the fridge and I looked at the meat. I guess it looked fine. I tried smelling it, but I hate the smell of raw meat anyway, so I couldn’t tell if it was bad or not. I had Eric smell it, and he seemed to think it was just fine. So I rinse the chicken and break the wing bones… which I absolutely hate doing. I get all squeamish and squirmy and wiggle back and forth a lot going, “Iiiih! Iiiih!”

My mother goes insane when I won’t help her clean a chicken because I don’t want to stick my hand inside the carcass to clean it out. I find raw chicken to be one of the most disgusting things in the world. But I really like cooked chicken. Welcome to the hypocrisy that is my life.

So I start cooking the chicken only to find that I have no side dishes. Anywhere. I thought I had potatoes, corn, peppers… I finally found some corn to cook up, so I start to boil the bag. I flip the chicken and notice that it is taking on a very strange color. But I keep cooking.

I take the wings out of the oven, and they are sort of brown and sort of purple… but I don’t let that bother me. I take out the corn and put it in a bowl… only to discover that the corn is ice cold. I don’t have a microwave, so I put all the corn in a frying pan and started heating that up. So I’m frying corn and trying to keep the chicken warm.

I get everything done and served and we started to eat the chicken. It was purple– did I mention that? And sort of pink on the inside… and sort of looked like the marrow was all over the inside of the chicken. I started freaking out. “We probably shouldn’t eat this.”

Eric was trying to be supportive. “No, it’s good,” he says, as he nibbles just the slightest bit.

“It makes me nervous,” I replied, shoving it around on my plate.

“The corn is good.” He was shoveling corn into his mouth. The corn looked safe.

“Don’t eat this.” We threw the food out and went out to get a movie.

“I’ll buy you dinner,” I said.

“Okay, if I’m still hungry,” Eric said, eating a box of Crunch and Munch.

So we rented The Last Days of Disco and tried to stop for fast food, but the place had already closed by the time we got there because it was so late after trying to get a movie.

We were standing at the Blockbuster holding the film talking about what we wanted to do next:

Well, if you’re hungry, then I’ll stop and get us something on the way home.

I don’t know. Are you hungry?

Sort of. Mostly I’m grossed out.

Cuz I can eat, if you want to eat.

What do you want to eat?

Crunch and munch?

I don’t want Crunch and Munch for dinner.

It’s good.

I’m sure it is. I just want something to eat.

Then let’s get something.

But it’s so late, I don’t know. Maybe I should just get something small.

I’ll have these Mike and Ike’s.

I don’t want that for dinner either.

You should eat something.

Are you guys looking for something in particular? Can I help you find a movie?

No, we have our film… we’re just trying to figure out what we want to do when we leave the store.

Oh. Okaaayyy.

It’s not as pathetic as it sounds… yeah, it is.

So I swore off cooking for the rest of my life.

There. That’s it. I ruin meal after meal and there’s no point in me getting food at the grocery store if I’m just going to make it inedible.

Then we watched that horrible Disco movie. Look, if the actors don’t care about the lines that they are saying, neither do I. They just sound so bored all the time. It puts me right to sleep. Same thing happened with Metropolitan. Boring, deplorable characters all in a room arguing about something that is obviously smarter than they are drives me nuts.

So I had a bad film and bad food. Not a great way to end a weekend. I am so looking forward to my vacation days… which are about in a month, but I’m just a little burned out on everything right now. I don’t want to do any rehearsals, I don’t want to go to work… wah, wah, wah, right? I know, quit my moaning and go back to work.

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