The Continuing Adventures of Big Boob Girl

I put on my tarty best: brown jeans, tiny black top that buttoned down to expose my “ample bosom,” red lipstick, black eyeliner, and teased blonde hair in trashy finest. My call was at six, so I left 45 minutes early to account for afternoon traffic and possible parking problems.

I was in the building at 5:30.

I walked up to a man talking loudly, who carried a clipboard. “Are you Guy?” I asked him.

“No, baby,” he answered, already mesmerized by the ta-tas. “You meeting someone? He’s probably upstairs at the bar.” He talked like I was five. “Just go up these stairs right here.”

The hostess asked, “You’re here for the dating seminar?”

“I’m… sorta.”

I was told we were doing a parody of speed dating, where you get five minutes to impress someone at a table before moving on to the next man at a table, responding to the timer bell like some kind of trick dog.

“In the back, there.”

One woman was sitting at a table, writing things on index cards. She introduced herself as the producer of the segment and I sat down beside her. She was very friendly to me as I introduced myself.

“I’m the Big Boob Girl,” I smiled.

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D-Girl

So, there was the ABC World News Now segment, where you could watch me babble in the middle of the night about Gilmore Girls and John Ritter. We all missed that one collectively, as there was no warning, but apparently you can download it here.

I’m giving you warning on the next one. Tomorrow night, I’m going to be on The Tonight Show. Yes, the one with Jay Leno. No, not with Jay Leno. I wouldn’t exactly set your VCR’s. I’m not even sure if my segment will air. Yes, it’s just as shady as it sounds, right down to the phone call giving me the part yesterday.

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