best blurb ever.

I don’t want to ruin it by telling the joke over here, but Irwin has written a line about my book that should be on the front cover. Go read. Then come back.

(Ned-Voice) First of all (normal voice), that’s a very flattering essay (so thank you, sir).

But to give you an example of this fragile head I’ve got, when Irwin said to me that night, “There’s a lot of jokes,” here’s the rapid-fire dialogue my brain had in the three seconds between when he said that, and I said, “What does that mean?” Read more

Dear Weezer Bassist:

I want you to know that I love your band, and have loved your band for a very long time, longer than you’ve been a part of it. I want to start with praise, because what I have to say after this might sound a bit mean, but… well, you deserve it. Read more

Chris Rock Makes Dads Better

This coffee shop has large, black structural poles throughout. There’s one just behind me, from floor to ceiling, between my booth and the counter. A man just walked past me, holding the hand of his tiny daughter, who was probably just under two years old.

“Stay off the pole, honey,” he said to her, pulling her toward the bathroom. Then, he added, “I just have one job as your daddy, and that’s to keep you off the pole.”