“Schuyler’s Monster”

Over 250 books are on their way to the Children’s Institute, and over $1500 has been raised for the Rockhouse Foundation in just two days. But that’s from only about eighty people. Did you decide you’d wait while you think about it? What is there to think about? Kids. Books. Done.

Please?

Oh, wait. Were you waiting for some kind of prize?

Okay. Here’s the first one, and it’s pretty awesome.

[db]

Sweet Schuyler, how are you already eight?

Everybody’s really proud of your dad for his memoir that came out today. I remember when you were first born, I sent you a toy that was later recalled. Sorry about that. See, it used to be that we’d use these Amazon wish lists to send gifts to each other, even when we hadn’t met in “real life.” But now your dad’s helping us use Amazon wish lists for the kids out there whom we haven’t met in “real life,” so they can get the books that they need.

And I know that you know more than most how powerful the Internet can be. One of the most miraculous things I’ve ever witnessed on my computer screen was watching video of you use your big box of words — something that everybody pitched in for you to have because it was already yours from the moment it was invented. We just had to make sure that box got into your hands, where it was always supposed to be.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you to you and your dad for offering up one signed copy of “Schuyler’s Monster” for this year’s book drive. You’re a fantastic kid, and your family’s helping other fantastic kids out there. Read more

Rob and Dana

they only kinda scared my mom

[scripty]
MOM
So, who are these people?

PAMIE
Rob and Dana.

MOM
And you’re going out to dinner with them?

PAMIE
Something like that. Maybe just drinks.

MOM
And how do you know them?

PAMIE
The Internet. They have journals.

MOM
Uh-huh.

PAMIE
They have journals, Mom. I know all about them and their spouses and families and stuff.

MOM
But you don’t really know them.

PAMIE
Not really, I guess.

MOM
Well, I have to meet them first.

PAMIE
They’re coming to pick me up.

MOM
Well, have them come in and leave their license numbers.

PAMIE
Mom.

MOM
I’m serious. I’m not letting anyone kidnap my baby.

PAMIE
Mom, I’ll be fine.

MOM
Crazy people live in Connecticut.

PAMIE
You’re from Connecticut.

MOM
And?

PAMIE
Okay, I’ll have them come in and meet you.

MOM
And you call me when you get to where they take you and call me when you’re coming home.

PAMIE
Okay, Mom.

MOM
Can’t you just go out with Chris again?

PAMIE
He’s got some party with dancing frogs.

MOM
What?

PAMIE
Don’t ask.

MOM
Well, how do you know these people aren’t crazy?

PAMIE
Technically, I don’t.

MOM
And this is the girl you’re giving the monkey to?

PAMIE
Yeah.

MOM
How long have they been married?

PAMIE
They aren’t married.

MOM
You said they were married.

PAMIE
Oh, they are. Not to each other.

MOM
So, Rob found a babysitter?

PAMIE
I think his wife, Mom. He’s married. To a woman. Who isn’t the woman coming here.

MOM
Do you see what I mean about crazy Internet people?

PAMIE
Mom, they’re friends. That’s what you do with a friend. You go out at night together.

MOM
And pick up strangers from the computer.

PAMIE
Look, they know each other. This isn’t the scary thing for them.

MOM
That’s what I’m saying. You’re going in a stranger’s car with two strangers to a place you’ve never been and you think this is fun?

PAMIE
Well, now that you put it that way…

MOM
You wouldn’t even know if they were killing you in the ditch behind my house.

PAMIE
And I’m short.

MOM
What?

PAMIE
Nothing. Rob has this midget thing… never mind.

MOM
Why can’t you just go to Chris’ frog dance?

PAMIE
I never thought I’d hear that sentence.

MOM
These people are going to have to sit down and talk with me before you go anywhere with them.

PAMIE
Mom, do you want to come?

MOM
No, I’ve got work to do around here.

PAMIE
I’ll call you.
[/scripty]

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The Air Up Here

if you’re reading this, i didn’t die.

I’m writing from a plane.

Ain’t technology grand?

If you are reading this, then that means that I landed safely. A concept that right now, I must admit, sounds a bit far-fetched to me. This may have been one of the scariest flights I’ve ever been on. Some sort of “thunderstorm” that we had to be “re-routed” through. Whatever. It was jumpy.

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