Two You Tube Finds and Ray

First: everything you need to know about the strike, with Neal Pollack and his five-year old son Elijah.

Then, another from the series Strike Life. This one features friends Laura House, Jason Allen and Liz Feldman.

And for those of you wondering how to one day find yourself semi-naked with Jake Gyllenhaal and Natalie Portman, Ray offers his easy thirty-two step plan. (For reasons I cannot understand, he omitted the part where six years ago he wrote his goals in black Sharpie on the walls of our brick patio.)

go, ray, go!

I want to write about this weekend’s Festival of Books experience, but before I go all nerdtastic on you, and continuing the “Where Are They Now” aspect to my posts lately (Michelle is working on an update about her mom for all y’all), I have to give excited props to my former roommate Ray, who spent yesterday running the OK City Marathon.

[scripty]
PAMIE
Dan. I want you to guess what Ray Prewitt did this morning.

DAN
Okay. He stole a boat and —

PAMIE
Nope.

DAN
Hmm. Okay, he was making this television show about a —

PAMIE
No.

DAN
He has this chicken and —

PAMIE
No.

DAN
I am literally out of ideas, particularly if this has nothing to do with a chicken.
[/scripty]

Today, as Ray rehashed the details to me, we realized that we were both lapped by the same hunchback. Which is awesome.

“Pam, I have to write about this, because I have to warn the world. Never run a marathon.”

“I know, Ray. I know.”

“Lady, it’s all your fault I did it in the first place. I figured, well, if Pam did something, it must be a good idea.”

“No, Ray. It hurts. I never tell people to run a marathon or write a book. They both hurt and take way too long.”

“But thank God there’s no second draft of a marathon.”

“My friend Andy once said to me, ‘I couldn’t possibly be interested in running one mile, much less twenty-six of them in a row.’ And I said, ‘That’s because you like yourself, and have nothing to prove.'”

“Oh, lady. Ain’t that the truth.”

Ray wrote about his experience, and boy can I relate. … except for the part where he likens the entire thing to being involved in extreme porn.

unhacked.

yesterday…

[scripty]

[cell phone rings. pamie sees it’s Ray]

PAMIE
[answering]
I know. My site’s hacked.

RAY
Your new website is AWESOME! I want all of these swords. (Gasp!) And look at the belt buckles!

PAMIE
Well, I figured it was the only thing I could sell catered specifically to my demographic.

RAY
Hell, yeah.
[/scripty]

Hope you enjoyed our one-day sale on Japanese swords. My email still seems to be down. I understand some of you are getting bounce-backs. They’re working on it.

AAA Plus + P = -($$$$)

About six months ago I was in the parking garage of Hollywood and Highland with stee as we passed a woman who appeared to be pleading to a couple who were listening with empathy. A few minutes later, that same woman approached us. She was cautious, hanging back for a second, like she wanted to know if we were normal.

“Excuse me,” she said, head shaking and hands trembling. She was in a brown business suit, brown hat, and carried a purse and a plastic bag that seemed to hold a bottle of water. “I’m a nice, old black lady. I’m not crazy. But do either of you have Triple A Plus?” Continue reading

It’s Still Too Soon To Tell This Story

Driving home tonight, I thought about Mardi Gras in Austin, and how it’s been a while since I’ve celebrated Fat Tuesday. In the South, there are days leading up to it with anticipation — the food, the beads, the planned parties. There was a time when New Orleans made it illegal to go topless (is that still the case?). But Austin, in its wonderful weirdness, legally allows people to roam shirtless.

So.

Mardi Gras, 2000, was a particularly difficult month for me. I wrote very little about the bad things that were happening, but basically I went to Aspen, got back and my world, as I knew it, changed. It caused me to do things I wouldn’t normally do, like impulsively buy concert tickets for a show on the other side of the country, decide it was time to move to Los Angeles, or get drunk at Mardi Gras and party on a roof.

Continue reading

Changing of the Guard

About a year ago, if you’d asked me if I’m a guarded person, I’d have told you absolutely not. I write books and scripts that usually come out of some story from my life. I write quite publicly about my life online, for Pete’s sake. Clearly I don’t have a problem talking about myself. But I don’t write about everything here, and in the last month I learned quite a bit about my guard. Mostly I learned what happens when it goes down, even just a little bit. Continue reading

Hipster Bars, Jollibee, and Casablanca.

See, just two days ago, on the flight home, we were discussing Ray.

[scripty]
stee
We don’t see Ray enough.

pamie
Because he calls three minutes before he’s going somewhere to invite us to come with him. “Um… I’m going to this bar, on Santa Monica? There’s going to be a gospel band–”

stee
“– and a chicken who plays checkers?”

pamie
“And there’s free drinks for fifteen minutes, so y’all should come.”

stee
“I’ll put you on the door.”

pamie
And you’re like, “Ray. I’m at my wedding.”

stee
Still.

pamie
I know. Still.
[/scripty]
Continue reading

fur and feet

I wore a new sweater today, and it shed everywhere I went. I first wore it a couple of days ago, and I thought the little grey hairs on everything I owned were due to Taylor hanging out around my bag, which he does sometimes. But today I wore it all day and it was clear — the sweater was leaving pieces of me everywhere. Continue reading

Apoplex, Please!

Hey, here’s a bad idea: watching this week’s episode of Six Feet Underif you’ve ever had anyone in your life die. Jesus Christ, that was painful.

Work went late tonight. Had to cancel dinner plans. We’re officially in production now.

One of the things I do miss about my pre-television life is my lunch schedule. Every day the writing stopped at one (stee likes to keep things to a pretty tight schedule), and we sat for lunch with The Daily Show. Right now I have an episode on pause. I haven’t watched this show in what feels like months. The set is different. It’s different watching it late at night. I’m by myself. It’s just not the same. And for some reason, this pretty new redesign is much more intriguing than watching a week-old daily show episode with Joe Biden by myself on the couch. Continue reading