i’m awesome.

Home alone on a Friday night. Two cats sleeping next to me. Gilmore Girls paused on TiVo. The episode aired January 10th. I’m a little behind in my television watching.

I am smelly. I got home from work at 7:45 and proceeded to eat the biggest cheeseburger I’ve had since I left Texas. Read more

Listening to Carlos Mencia on

Listening to Carlos Mencia on Stern. He is the hardest-working man I’ve met in this business. I know everybody’s busy, but I have no idea when Carlos sleeps. He took an early chance on me, and I’m grateful for everything I learned from him. He also taught me a lot of things I probably didn’t need to know about Hispanics, racists, bigots, religion, money, power, midgets, censorship, exactly how has sex with his wife, and what the word “Beaner” means. (I’m grateful for those things, too.)

A Glamorous Hollywood Lifestyle

1. You will not be home before eleven.
2. This is because you are at work.
3. When you wake up, it is because you have work to do before you get to work, because there’s so much work you can’t do while you’re at work.
4. Suffer the constant teasing that you’re leaving one show for another. Feel like you’re changing schools again, just like when you were a kid. You’re leaving all of your friends and sure that everyone at the new school will hate you and will never be as cool as the friends you have now. Read more

We Need To Talk

You and I.

How should I put this? I’ve been thinking about this conversation for a while now. I want to know the best way to put it to you. Let me try and make it as simple as possible.

When I first started this website, I worked for a computer company. Then I worked for a software company. I rarely wrote about those jobs. I know enough about writing on the internet, under you own name, to know that it’s not so smart to talk about your job, your co-workers, your boss, or anything having to do with your feelings of inadequacy at the place that pays your bills. Read more