Fake Viewer Mail

[readermail]
Hey, Pamie.

Longtime reader here. I was just wondering what happened to your friend Michelle Biloon, the one who used to run an advice column in your forum with her mother? Fun fact about Michelle: She once got her viewer mail answered on the Letterman program. True story!

Love,

Bigger Michelle Fan Than You
[/readermail]

[db]

Dear Fan:

I did know that. I know everything about you, because I just created you as an excuse to brag that Michelle’s got a big article about how awesome she is in this week’s LA Weekly.

[db]

[readermail]
Hey, Pamie. Did you see the part where she totally dissed you?

HA. HA.
[/readermail]

[db]

Dear Fan.

I once spent an entire night doing my Michelle Biloon impression in front of people she hadn’t met before. I had that one coming.

I am a Thanksgiving Orphan

Michelle’s holiday guest entry

Dear Squishy Readers,

I am a Thanksgiving orphan.

The last time I went home for Thanksgiving was my freshman year of college. That’s when my parents stopped gracing me with an invite. It could have been due to my colorful language when saying grace or the fact that I spiked my stepfather’s Kool-Aid with vodka. Who knows? Since then, it’s been a combination of microwaved turkey pot pies, restaurant buffets, and McDonald’s Happy Meals (cool toys, yo).

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