It’s Not A Phobia If It’s Rational

I don’t like dolls. I’m not going to freak out around your Barbie, but if you’ve got one of those old-timey, eyes shut when you lower it, hair like Firestarter dolls, then I’m not going to stay in the same room with it. It’s that simple. My semi-pediophobia comes from a very real place, and once you know about it, you can’t deny the fact that I have every reason in the world to be terrified of dolls. Continue reading

‘Til I’m Home Again and Feeling Right

It’s a very strange sensation, walking into my mom’s new house, seeing everything I associate with home (the dog, the bookshelves, the large dining room table, Mom) in a place I’ve never seen before in my life. It’s exactly like when you dream that you’re in your house but it’s not your house but it is your house. Dan’s standing there, in my house, next to my mom, which is very dream-like indeed, since I think they hadn’t seen each other in four years. Dan’s petting the dog, who is in a backyard I’ve never seen before, and Mom’s wearing an ankle bracelet I’ve never seen before. She lives in Connecticut now and I had nothing to do with this move. Her house is still in boxes. She shows me the bracelet — it’s from high school, when she went on a date with a boy. The boy is now a man and he is back in her life. She smiles as she holds it, her eyes getting a little dreamy. Continue reading

she got me

Gramma had always told us that when we had to clean out her house someday after she died that it was very important that we didn’t just throw anything away, but instead go through pockets of clothes, and leaf through books before we decided what to do with them.

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Just a Few Pictures

because it’s late, and because i’m spending time with my mommy.

I took a few pictures today of gramma’s house. My mother and her family have really cleaned this place out since the last time I saw it, and I was surprised at how small everything looked, when I was used to it being so big.

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goodbye, gramma.

Yesterday, my grandmother, Gramma with the Puppies as I knew her, passed away. She had been very sick.

And today my mommy is very, very sad.

I had not seen my grandmother in a very long time. What I remember of her is filled with a childhood awe of a woman who showers you with presents and always has something to eat. As I grew older I started hearing the stories about this woman, and the things she used to do to drive people crazy. And because I had this little-girl image of a woman who did these very grown up things, my grandmother seems larger than life.

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“how’s gramma?”

Family Feud ain’t got nothin’ on us.

(I’m writing this on the 24th because I will be on a plane on the 25th, so we’ll all pretend that I’m writing this tomorrow)

I forgot to mention yesterday that the one thing that kept me going during the new Advanced Tae-Bo tape was the fact that it looked like Ben Stiller was working out in these little spandex pants.  Oh, man, that guy looks like a sweaty, mad Ben Stiller.  And that’s enough to keep me going.  Really, it is.

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