Nine Inch Nails: The Downward Spiral

Song: “Hurt

It was Halloween and I was nineteen and Trent Reznor was singing this song behind a scrim showing images of rotting animal corpses and flowers dying and it was before the video came out and I’d never seen anything like this before in my life and I thought, “This man. This man is the only one who knows why it hurts to be me.”

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push up your glasses.

It’s been very hard to keep cool when working with all these writers who’ve done things I admire. It’s happened at all three of these last jobs, where I’m sitting, chatting with someone, and part of my brain will suddenly realize he wrote an episode of television that became a memorable Thanksgiving, or he created a catchphrase still said among my friends. And I try not to Farley-out with these people, but sometimes it’s really hard.

Then I go and screw it all by shouting, “Hey, you guys! We’re driving through Stars Hollow! Look! The video store!” Continue reading

serious talk.

over a cigarette. or nine.

[scripty]
BOY
Can I ask you a question?

PAMIE
Sure.

BOY
Do I look like a geek to you?

PAMIE
What do you mean?

BOY
Like… am I overly-geek?

PAMIE
I think you’re an okay level of geek.

BOY
Are you sure?

PAMIE
Pretty sure.

BOY
Like, what’s an okay level of geek?

PAMIE
Okay.  So you don’t live with your mom and make webpages hoping Britney Spears’ head is okay.

BOY
Okay.

PAMIE
And you’re not like, a mellow geek.

BOY
I don’t understand.

PAMIE
Like, you’re the kind of geek where if I had a party, I’d probably explain to my friends before you came over that you have a tendency to get excited about things easily and that you’re not yelling at them, you’re just into the conversation.  That you aren’t a crazy person.

BOY
So I’m a crazy person geek?

PAMIE
It makes you interesting.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.

BOY
Well, thank you, Pam.

PAMIE
No problem.

BOY
Well, I have something to say to you that might change the way you feel about me.

PAMIE
What do you mean?

BOY
It’s… it’s hard for me to say this… I..

PAMIE
You don’t have to tell me.

BOY
No, I think I should tell you.  I want to tell you.  I just…

PAMIE
I’m going to have another cigarette.

BOY
Yeah.  You do that.  I’m…

PAMIE
Are you okay?

BOY
(quickly)
I’m a gamer.

(pause)

PAMIE
Are you sure?

BOY
YES, I’m sure. What kind of question is that?

PAMIE
A gamer?

BOY
Yeah.

PAMIE
Like, role playing?

BOY
Yeah, and… and some other stuff too.

PAMIE
Oh.

BOY
Yeah.

PAMIE
You know, it’s not like I couldn’t tell.

BOY
Come on.

PAMIE
No, you kinda look like you could be a gamer.

BOY
I find that mildly insulting.

PAMIE
Just, the books you read and the websites you go to.  I’m just not surprised, that’s all.

BOY
You seem cool with it.

PAMIE
Why wouldn’t I be?

BOY
I don’t know.

PAMIE
When you go out with the gamers… I’m assuming there’s a group that you go with to do this?

BOY
They’re my friends, Pam.

PAMIE
Well, whatever you call them.  Do you guys go places to…do this?

BOY
Guys and girls.

PAMIE
You have some girl gamer friends then?

BOY
Yes.  They’re cool.

PAMIE
Is it expensive?

BOY
I don’t run around in wizard hats and robes, Pam.  And just because I’m a gamer doesn’t mean I’m all hot for D&D, okay? I just get together with some of my friends a few times a week.

PAMIE
And you play with your gelfling?

BOY
It’s a mage, not a gelfling. And a French hermetic mage at that. A hermetic mage of correspondence

PAMIE
I don’t see the difference.

BOY
I suppose you wouldn’t.

PAMIE
Did you think I wouldn’t approve?

BOY
Well, I thought you might be a little disappointed in me.  We don’t tell everyone because we get teased, you know.

PAMIE
You could have told me anytime.  It doesn’t change the way I feel about you.

BOY
It doesn’t?

PAMIE
No.  You are who you are and if that involves dice or hit points or whatever…

BOY
You’ve never played?

PAMIE
I don’t want to talk about it.

BOY
Come on, surely you’ve thought about it.

PAMIE
One time with an old boyfriend I got into Magic for about a month.  But I didn’t like it, so we stopped.

BOY
Why didn’t you like it?

PAMIE
I was bored.  It didn’t do anything for me.

BOY
I guess I understand.

PAMIE
So do I.

BOY
Thanks.

PAMIE
Thank you.

BOY
If you have any other questions, I could answer them for you.

PAMIE
Does it hurt?

BOY
What?

PAMIE
When they kill your character.  Does it hurt?  I heard a story once about a guy who sorta broke down when his character was killed.

BOY
Starting over can be painful, yes.  But playing the game is fun.

PAMIE
Most games are.

BOY
Yes.  They are.
[/scripty]

HOT GEEK GIRLS

trying to make the most out of my situation

Last night I had a dream that The Mighty Kymm and I were sitting around trying to figure out each other’s FTP passwords. We were giggling fiendishly as we’d figure out each other’s codes. Then we called up Diane and had fun hacking into her journal as well. The three of us were just hooting and hollering about how crazy the three of us are and what fun it is to know someone well enough to hack into their system.

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i’m not proud

confessions and pathetic whining

I had a new experience two days ago.

I have not written about it before because I don’t really understand it, and I am a bit ashamed.  Mortified, really.  Okay, I’ll just fess up.  Here goes:

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