I Have Nice Boobs

Dalton Ross does not like boobs. He also doesn’t like boob jokes. He does not like Hot Properties. He gave it a D. Hey, Mencia got a D-, so I’m moving up!

This is karmic payback for when we tried updating Mullendash to Rossdash. Dan was way too good at it, and all of my Rossdashes sounded like drunken ramblings over jilted relationships.

Sometimes I try to shield

Sometimes I try to shield the truth from you because I don’t want you to find out that sometimes all this hard work can be even more terrifying than sticking with The Plan. If you knew that having a book comes with it a slew of unanswerable questions about your future, friendships and talent, would that make you less likely to give it a try? I might keep the scary stuff away from you sometimes, but luckily Gwen doesn’t. (If it makes you feel better, Gwen, I never even got a Publisher’s Weekly review, and apparently “EVERYBODY” can get one of those. They made it sound like they’re handed out by the porn barkers in Vegas.)