The Games We Play

I’m currently sitting on the floor typing while another version of me is currently playing on the television beside me. I’m making copies of the Anne Heche show for someone, and I’ve spent the morning calling people while watching them perform monologues. It’s a strange meta thing to talk to someone while listening to them yell. It’s even worse to watch yourself while trying to write about yourself. I’d say it was narcissitic, but I don’t have the ego.

I generally don’t watch myself on television. I still have a copy of my episode Beat the Geeks that Michelle sent me that sits, unwatched. I find that once I see myself up there, see what I imagine other people see, I tend to get a little depressed. I don’t like my voice, my forehead, the way my hair looks tired. I don’t like the way I rush when I talk, how red my face gets when I’m excited, the way my shoulders hunch towards my neck. I don’t like the way I move, the way my chin looks when I laugh, the way I tend to tremble when I’m holding something as a prop.

The more I watch myself, the more self-conscious I get. Then I start talking myself out of what I’m doing, and the next time I’m up on stage, I can’t help but feel like I shouldn’t be there. I try not to watch myself at all anymore, as it makes me change what I’m doing, and takes some of the joy out of my work.

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Robbed. Robbed!

I don’t remember how it started. I think a phone call from Beat the Geeks, saying that a friend of mine recommended me as a contestant and they were about to start their new season. That had to have been it, because I’ve since been called by other game shows, and they’re always dropping some name from my Palm Pilot, telling me I’d be perfect for this new show. Flattery and name-dropping, even in the game show circuit, it’s still Hollywood.

I had to go to the studio and fill out an application. They took a Polaroid of me and had me list quirky, interesting facts about myself. Then I had to list my friends and their phone numbers. “Only girls!” they shouted. “We don’t need any more men.” See how easy it is to get chicks’ digits?

I had to stand in front of this small crowd and answer six questions, I think, two from each category (TV, Film, Music). I only got one wrong, which was, “Who sang the lead song for The Fall Guy?” The funny thing is I had a mental conversation with myself a few months before where I pondered the fact that I knew nothing about The Fall Guy and wondered if it was going to cost my Trivial Pursuit points. So there you go. Know everything. I guessed “Heather Locklear,” and they told me I was “close.”

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